Who Will Need Jesus The Most?

I've always thought the "best" Christians were those who knew God the most, read the most scripture, lived out their faith the most, worshiped the most, gave the most, believed the most, preached the most, taught the most, prayed the most, and loved the most. These are the people I've wanted to follow.

While I think all these are good, and fruits of the spirit, there is something even greater than these for a Christian.

Who will need Jesus the most? Who will be dependent on Him for everything?

I don't necessarily want to follow the person doing all those individual things the best. I want to look up to the person who keeps relying on Jesus more and more everyday. I want to be friends with the person who sees how sinful, proud, and haughty they are, and who trusts in nothing but the Cross, and no one but God.

The more God sanctifies, the more I see how sinful I am. The more I see that, by His grace, the more I see how much I need Him. I receive nothing that is not from my Father's hand. Nothing. I want to be totally dependent on Jesus. I pray that he will break me before Him, and leave me with nothing but Him. Please let that happen. Do not let me rest in the things of the world. Let me rest in you Father. Please.

I'll never forget when my great Aunt Lucy died. Even though I don't know how it works theologically, other than the night I was saved (at least temporally), and the night God brought me to the Village, the most intense spiritual experience I've ever had was when an angel came to me in my sleep one night.

For the first six months of my marriage I didn't know if I wanted to be married at all. It was a terrible time of doubt, fear, and analyzing born out of the heart and mind of a selfish little boy. But one night, I had the most intense dream I've ever had, and I imagine I ever will have.

I experienced both the sight and the feeling of an unbearable, piercing, pure white light that I cannot adequately describe. It burned my eyes, and made my heart tighten in fear. I remember seeing my great Aunt Lucy. She told me that I was supposed to be married, and that I needed to stay married no matter what. She also told me I would need her help again, but that this was the only time she could come. The last thing I remember is that I was having a heart attack. My heart stopped completely as an overflow of energy surged into my chest. I sat up in bed, and gasped for air. I could breathe again.

I looked next to my wife in bed, and everything had changed. From that moment on, I knew that I was supposed to be married, and that this was God's will. I had a peace about our marriage that never left me. No, it shouldn't take an angel of God for a man to know that, but remember, I was a selfish little boy.

I don't know how to work out the great Aunt Lucy part. Maybe that was just a face I saw to comfort me. I really don't know, but that's what I remember.

What made me think of this story, is a story that a friend of Lucy's told at her funeral. I was around nine years old when she died. Her friend said that Lucy always kept a copy of the poem, "Footprints," with her. He talked about how when a person looked back on the shore of Lucy's life, there were sometimes two sets of footprints, and sometimes one set. Sometimes, he said, Lucy just couldn't go anymore, and she needed Jesus to carry her. He was thankful that she knew she needed help sometimes.

But that's just it. It's not just sometimes that we need help. It's all the time, every time. We just don't always see it that way.

I don't want to have someone stand at my funeral and talk about how I trusted in Jesus when I couldn't go anymore, and walked with Him when I could. I want someone to say this:

"He was so weak, so prideful, so sinful, so selfish, so lustful, and so needy, that there was only one set of footprints in the sand. He needed Jesus to carry him the whole way home. He was absolutely nothing by himself. He should be punished eternally. But, by grace through faith, he is saved. He is a child of God, and loved as a son. He will be with his Father. God is merciful."

I want to follow those who, by God's grace, know they are nothing without being carried by the Cross every second, every minute, every hour, every day. I want to look up to those people who rely completely on the Gospel, and nothing else.

Who will be dependent on the Cross? Who will trust Jesus for everything? Who will need Jesus the most?

Freedom

It is scary to live by my strength. Things don't go well. It is freedom to know the Gospel, and by God's merciful, amazing, beautiful will, to rest in Jesus by faith. I am not perfecting anything--God is. Oh, praise His name! Let us rest in His beautiful name, and not our feeble ones. Please Father.

The Gospel

3 You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified? 2 This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain--if indeed it was in vain? 5 So then, does He who provides you with the Spirit and works miracles among you, do it by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? 6 Even so Abraham BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS. 7 Therefore, be sure that it is those who are of faith who are sons of Abraham. 8 The Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, "ALL THE NATIONS WILL BE BLESSED IN YOU ." 9 So then those who are of faith are blessed with Abraham, the believer. 10 For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT ABIDE BY ALL THINGS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF THE LAW, TO PERFORM THEM."

11 Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, "THE RIGHTEOUS MAN SHALL LIVE BY FAITH." 12 However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "HE WHO PRACTICES THEM SHALL LIVE BY THEM." 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us--for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE"-- 14 in order that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we would receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

Marriage

I've said this to many of my friends, and some people I've talked to at the store, but I wanted to put it on here, because I know it is so true, and I know it is beautiful. It is something Chandler said in a sermon once that has come to my mind at least once a day since. I believe it was a blessing from God.

He said: (paraphrasing)

"Ultimately, marriage, in the fullest sense that only believers can know, is about two people living so intimately together, and brushing against each other so much, that wounds, scars, and sins that are buried deep down in the dark, and would otherwise never see the light of day, come to the surface, and once there, by the mercies of Jesus, are healed, or put in motion for healing, and these two people come to know Christ more fully than they ever could have known him alone."

Wow. I just sat there, and thought, "You are married." I mean, I wanted to stand up and applaud right there. That is an insight from God. It truly is. What a merciful insight. That is not what we see in the movies, or in most books. It's one of the things I love about the book, A Severe Mercy. While romance is good, it can never be everything. It can never be the end goal. It will, by itself, shrivel up and die. Marriage, in the end, has to be about Christ, not about us.

And what a blessing it is. What a means of grace in a married couple's life. It is such a gift. I pray that we can see marriage in this light.

A Bond-Servant

I want to be a bond-servant of Christ. I do not want my life to in any way be dear to myself. But I know this can't happen by any will power or even desire alone. Especially as selfish as I am. It will only happen by the spirit. So I ask you to pray for me. I want to be ravaged by Jesus. I want to be consumed by Him. I do not want my life to be dear in any way to me. I want to live loving Jesus, and then loving others. I want that to be the rest of my life. I want to love others more than I love myself.

I want to proclaim the Gospel no matter how offensive it is, and it is offensive. Jesus is not playing around. He has severity on who He wants to have severity, and mercy on who He wants to have mercy. He calls, or He hardens hearts. He is sovereign. He saves some, and He cuts others to pieces. That is hard. It is offensive. It is a solemn truth. And yet it is a humbling, praise giving truth that demands worship. He is Lord and Master of All. I do not want to shrink back from anything that is profitable. I never want to back down from the fullness of the Gospel. I want to tell others how wonderful and amazing he is. I want everyone to know Him, and his mercy. I want everyone to enter into His joy, and His sweet love.

I want to be able to leave this world able to say these words:

"You yourselves know from the first day I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house, solemnly testifying to both Jews and Greeks of repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, bound by the Spirit, I am on my way to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit solemnly testifies to me in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions await me. But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God."

Acts 20:18-24 NASB

"Therefore, I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God."

Acts 20:27 NASB

I want to be a bond-servant of Christ Jesus. Please, Father.

Fighting Back By The Spirit

What kind of things can help us know we are growing? Ultimately, God and each person in their own heart, mind, and soul can know about salvation. He separates, not us. But I thought Jonathan Edwards's thoughts on evidences of faith that can be signs of truly gracious affections was encouraging.

He talks about how Paul didn't just look to his words, and the things coming from his mouth, but also to his actions. Of course, no actions can ever achieve salvation. They cannot even enter God's sight. We have nothing to give him. We plead the blood of Christ alone. But faith without works is dead. By the Spirit, Paul chased Christ.

"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. "

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NASB

And he talks about Peter. Peter, by the Spirit, examined his actions to see where his heart truly went for hope and happiness. And how incredible this scripture is! Do we have the courage to ask ourselves these questions? I pray that we will examine our actions too.

"For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you."

2 Peter 1:4-11 NASB

Are we increasing? Are we training for righteousness? Are we sprinting? Are we thirsting and growing? I pray that we will. I pray this. Father help us.