Who Will Need Jesus The Most?

I've always thought the "best" Christians were those who knew God the most, read the most scripture, lived out their faith the most, worshiped the most, gave the most, believed the most, preached the most, taught the most, prayed the most, and loved the most. These are the people I've wanted to follow.

While I think all these are good, and fruits of the spirit, there is something even greater than these for a Christian.

Who will need Jesus the most? Who will be dependent on Him for everything?

I don't necessarily want to follow the person doing all those individual things the best. I want to look up to the person who keeps relying on Jesus more and more everyday. I want to be friends with the person who sees how sinful, proud, and haughty they are, and who trusts in nothing but the Cross, and no one but God.

The more God sanctifies, the more I see how sinful I am. The more I see that, by His grace, the more I see how much I need Him. I receive nothing that is not from my Father's hand. Nothing. I want to be totally dependent on Jesus. I pray that he will break me before Him, and leave me with nothing but Him. Please let that happen. Do not let me rest in the things of the world. Let me rest in you Father. Please.

I'll never forget when my great Aunt Lucy died. Even though I don't know how it works theologically, other than the night I was saved (at least temporally), and the night God brought me to the Village, the most intense spiritual experience I've ever had was when an angel came to me in my sleep one night.

For the first six months of my marriage I didn't know if I wanted to be married at all. It was a terrible time of doubt, fear, and analyzing born out of the heart and mind of a selfish little boy. But one night, I had the most intense dream I've ever had, and I imagine I ever will have.

I experienced both the sight and the feeling of an unbearable, piercing, pure white light that I cannot adequately describe. It burned my eyes, and made my heart tighten in fear. I remember seeing my great Aunt Lucy. She told me that I was supposed to be married, and that I needed to stay married no matter what. She also told me I would need her help again, but that this was the only time she could come. The last thing I remember is that I was having a heart attack. My heart stopped completely as an overflow of energy surged into my chest. I sat up in bed, and gasped for air. I could breathe again.

I looked next to my wife in bed, and everything had changed. From that moment on, I knew that I was supposed to be married, and that this was God's will. I had a peace about our marriage that never left me. No, it shouldn't take an angel of God for a man to know that, but remember, I was a selfish little boy.

I don't know how to work out the great Aunt Lucy part. Maybe that was just a face I saw to comfort me. I really don't know, but that's what I remember.

What made me think of this story, is a story that a friend of Lucy's told at her funeral. I was around nine years old when she died. Her friend said that Lucy always kept a copy of the poem, "Footprints," with her. He talked about how when a person looked back on the shore of Lucy's life, there were sometimes two sets of footprints, and sometimes one set. Sometimes, he said, Lucy just couldn't go anymore, and she needed Jesus to carry her. He was thankful that she knew she needed help sometimes.

But that's just it. It's not just sometimes that we need help. It's all the time, every time. We just don't always see it that way.

I don't want to have someone stand at my funeral and talk about how I trusted in Jesus when I couldn't go anymore, and walked with Him when I could. I want someone to say this:

"He was so weak, so prideful, so sinful, so selfish, so lustful, and so needy, that there was only one set of footprints in the sand. He needed Jesus to carry him the whole way home. He was absolutely nothing by himself. He should be punished eternally. But, by grace through faith, he is saved. He is a child of God, and loved as a son. He will be with his Father. God is merciful."

I want to follow those who, by God's grace, know they are nothing without being carried by the Cross every second, every minute, every hour, every day. I want to look up to those people who rely completely on the Gospel, and nothing else.

Who will be dependent on the Cross? Who will trust Jesus for everything? Who will need Jesus the most?