An Update

In light of the Letter post, I want to give a few updates.

One is that, my former wife is married. She has been married for a while. I only write this for you to know if you do read the letter. I knew she was engaged when I wrote the letter, and I never meant for it to be a reconciliation letter in the sense of us reuniting. It was a letter written out of the mercies of Jesus.

Two, I have been free from pornography and masturbation since October 14, 2006. A big part of that is from how God has worked in my life through my time at the Village, and Matt's sermon on October 15th 2006. But since then, he has worked in a deeper way.

Not too long after this time, I had the blessing to meet with Josh Patterson, another pastor at our church, and someone I can now thankfully call a friend. God spoke through him so strongly in many ways that day. He spoke to me of hope in a profound way, telling me about how God will redeem the dark times I regret for his purposes and glory. He also told me to seek counseling and guidance on the deeper heart issues behind my addictions. I am so thankful for his time with me that day, for his friendship, and for his service to our church.

Through God's grace, I have entered counseling, been prayed over by friends, and learned many truths. Some of these are: I have sought things from people that they were not meant to give. I fear people. I am scared for people to know the real me.

It's so much easier to hide behind a computer, than to be known. In my mind, I thought the computer couldn't reject me or hurt me. So, I burrowed into a basement of self-addiction so no one could hurt me. Right...

So God, through pastors, friends, books, his word, and prayer has been teaching of my sinful heart, and all of its betrayals and wounds. But also of its desires. For some of these are true, and planted there by him. Namely the overwhelming, magnetic need to worship. Oh, how I have worshiped creation, and not creator.

The more he changes my very being, the less I want anything else. God, may you be glorified, not me. May my heart seek you, and nothing else. You are majestic and above all things. You are everything.