Last Tuesday, at Home Group, Philip asked us to write a psalm, or a prayer. The Lord was incredibly sweet and merciful to me. Over the past few months, I have been reading Psalm 119, Job, and now Jeremiah.
I have not blogged in a while, so I was worried about how to put up all the amazing things the Lord has been mercifully showing a wretch like me. I think in one night, He let it all come out in this prayer. Almost all of this prayer is scripture. There are a few places that are my own words, or that I have changed. These are taken from the NASB.
This is my cry to Him.
MY SOUL CLEAVES TO THE DUST. REVIVE ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD!
My soul cleaves to the dust; revive me according to your word. Remember the word to your servant, In which You have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your word has revived me.
O Lord, do not let me wander from your commandments. Do not hide your commandments from me. My soul is crushed with longing after your ordinances at all times. Your testimonies also are my delight; they are my counselors.
My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
You are one, the Lord my God, and you formed me from the dust of the ground, and breathed into my nostrils the breath of life.
Oh, Lord, my soul cleaves to the dust; revive me according to your word. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your word has revived me.
At midnight I shall rise to give thanks to you, because of your righteous ordinances. Make me a companion of all those who fear you, and of those who keep your precepts. The earth is full of your lovingkindness O Lord; teach me your statutes. Do not let me wander from your commandments. Oh, Lord, my soul cleaves to the dust, revive me according to your word.
Your hands made me and fashioned me; give me understanding, that I may learn your commandments.
The Lord has disciplined me severely, But He has not given me over to death.
I know, O Lord, that your judgments are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. O may your lovingkindness comfort me.
Sustain me according to your word, that I may live; and do not let me be ashamed of my hope. Uphold me that I may be safe, that I may have regard for your statutes continually.
Oh, Lord my soul cleaves to the dust, revive me according to your word!
I cried with all my heart; answer me, O Lord! I cried to you; save me!
Let my eyes anticipate the night watches, that I may meditate on your word. Hear my voice according to your lovingkindness; revive me, O Lord, according to your word.
Oh Lord! Who are you? Who is like the Lord our God?
Who humbles Himself to behold the things that are in heaven and in the earth? You raise the poor from the dust, and lift the needy from the ash heap. Not to us, O Lord, not to us, But to Your name give glory! You will bless those who fear You.
You are unique. Who can turn you? What your soul desires, that you do. You perform what is appointed for me, and many decrees are with you.
Therefore, dismay me so that they do not dismay me. I am terrified of you.
You have made my heart faint, and you, the Almighty, have dismayed me, but I am not silenced by the darkness, nor deep gloom which covers me.
For where can wisdom be found, and where is the place of understanding? Man does not know its value, nor is it found in the land of the living. The deep says, "It is not in me." And the sea says, "It is not with me."
Where then does wisdom come from? And where is the place of understanding? You understand its way, and you know its place. You saw it, and You declared it. You established it, and also searched it out.
And to man You said, "Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding." Oh, Lord, my soul cleaves to the dust, revive me according to your word!
The storm comes. Let me listen to the thunder of your voice, and the rumbling that goes out from your mouth. Under the whole heaven you let it loose, and your lightning goes to the ends of the earth. After it, a voice roars; you thunder with your majestic voice, and you do not restrain the lightning when your voice is heard. You thunder with your voice wondrously, doing great things which we cannot comprehend.
You say, "Dress like a man, and get out here!" Where was I when you laid the foundation of the earth? Where was I when you set its measurements? Who enclosed the sea with doors when bursting forth, it went out from the womb, when you made a cloud its garment, and thick darkness its swaddling band, and you placed boundaries on it, and set a bolt and doors.
And you said, "Thus far you shall come, but no farther; and here your proud waves shall stop!"
"Do you not fear me? Do you not tremble in my presence? For I have placed the sand as a boundary for the sea, an eternal decree, so it cannot cross over it. Though the waves toss, yet they cannot prevail; though they roar, yet they cannot cross over it!"
Oh, Lord, my soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
Have I ever in my life commanded the morning, and caused the dawn to know its place? That it might take hold of the ends of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?
Oh, Lord, who am I?
Let me stand in the ancient paths, and consider the wonders of You! Make us know! Make us know your power and might! And let us know that your name is the Lord!
Cursed am I if I trust in mankind, and make flesh my strength. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose trust is the Lord. My heart is more deceitful than all else, and is desperately sick! Who can understand it? Oh, Lord, you search the heart, you test the mind. I am nothing but clay in your hands.
Oh Lord! My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
Give me a heart to know you! Let me seek you with all my heart, soul, mind, body, and strength.
Oh Lord! Let me plead the cause of the afflicted and needy; is not that what it means to know you? Let me fear you, and plead the cause of the afflicted and needy.
Oh Lord! My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
Let me stand in your council and announce your words to your people. And let them turn from their evil way, and from the evil of their deeds. Let me stand in the court of your house, and speak to all those who have come to worship in your house all the words that you have commanded me to speak to them. Let me not omit a word! Let me seek the peace of my city.
Oh Lord! My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
Let the dread of you be in me, and dismay me, so that I am not dismayed by them. You have broken my yoke, and tore off my bonds, Oh Lord, let me serve!
Is this not the fast I choose, to loosen the bonds of wickedness, to undo the bands of yoke, and to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke? Is is not to divide your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into the house; when I see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide myself from my own flesh?
Then light will break out like the dawn, and recovery will speedily spring forth. Your glory will be my rear guard. Then I will call, and you will answer, I will cry, and you will say, "Here I am."
If you remove the yoke from my midst, the pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness, then light will rise in darkness, and the gloom will become like midday. And you will continually guide me. You will satisfy my desire in scorched places, and give strength to my bones. I will be like a watered garden whose waters do not fail.
Oh Lord! My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
For I have seen a limit to all perfection: Your commandment is exceedingly broad. I cannot do this. My soul cleaves to the dust. I am a worm before you.
But I will not die, but live! I am not silenced by darkness, nor the deep gloom which covers me. I will not die, but live and tell of the works of the Lord.
For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last, you will take your stand on the earth. Even after my skin is destroyed, yet from my flesh I shall see God. Whom I myself shall behold, and whom my eyes will see and not another. My heart faints within me!
Oh Lord! My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
Fix my hope on you, and purify me, just as You are pure. Remember the word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that your word has revived me.
Oh Lord! My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to your word!
Amen.
Scripture taken from: Psalm 119, Genesis 2, Psalm 118, Psalm 113, Psalm 115, Job 23, Jeremiah 1, Job 38, Job 28, Job 37, Jeremiah 5, Jeremiah 16, Jeremiah 17, Jeremiah 18, Jeremiah 24, Jeremiah 22, Jeremiah 23, Jeremiah 26, Jeremiah 2, Isaiah 58, Job 19, 1 John 3. This is roughly in the order they appear in the prayer, not showing repetition.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Why Are We Embracing Accusation?
The following is a letter written by my friend Geoff Ashley. I am so thankful to the Lord to walk with this man everyday, and to know him as a brother in Christ.
An Open Response to Recent Criticism
of The Village Church’s Use of “Embracing Accusation”
On the weekend of September 15th and 16th, 2007, Michael Bleecker, Worship Pastor at The Village Church, introduced the song, “Embracing Accusation,” originally written by Shane Barnard and recorded by Shane and Shane. After giving a brief overview of the Biblical context of the song, Michael asked the congregation to be seated and allow the worship team to sing it over them.
The following week Michael in particular received some intensely negative feedback regarding the song. Not only did the discouragement include questions of the validity of the message, but even questioned Michael’s maturity and theological prowess in choosing such a song.
The lyrics to the song are as follows:
Father of lies, coming to steal kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
He’s right, halleluia, he’s right
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation
Could the father of lies be telling the truth of
God to me tonight?
That if the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
The devil’s singing over me an age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain.
JESUS SAVES!!!
As a friend and co-worker of Michael’s I thought I would offer up the following defense, though I am quite sure it is unnecessary. The following are simply my thoughts as to the validity of singing such an apparently controversial song.
1. The message is Biblically-accurate
2. The method is Biblically-established
3. The minister is Biblically-faithful
1. The message is Biblically-accurate
The song is derived from Galatians 3:10-13 which reads:
For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT ABIDE BY ALL THINGS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF THE LAW, TO PERFORM THEM." Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, "THE RIGHTEOUS MAN SHALL LIVE BY FAITH." However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "HE WHO PRACTICES THEM SHALL LIVE BY THEM." Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us--for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE"
Satan is indeed the father of lies (John 8:44), who has come to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). No man will ever be good enough and so all such hope is no hope at all (Romans 3:20).
Does Satan literally sing and preach accusation over us? No, but it is a song and that involves poetry and symbolism. We do know that Satan is the accuser (being the Hebrew term for it) and even that he is said to constantly make accusation against the brethren day and night (Revelation 12:10).
The fact is the law brings forth a curse and that all who rely upon this law are therefore under the curse. Since none of us are able to stand up to the law’s demands, we are worthy of the curse and unworthy of life. If that is the accusation leveled against us by Satan, then he is right. We are not worthy of anything but wrath!
Just because he is the father of lies, that doesn’t mean that everything he says is a complete falsehood. Rather, he masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14) and perverts and corrupts the truth to suit his malicious purposes (see Genesis 3). He twists and bends the truth just enough.
The song tells a truth. All truth is God’s truth. Truth is good.
2. The method is Biblically-established
Some complaints hinted that a song which focuses so much of the text upon Satan is therefore a song chiefly concerned with Satan. However, the fact that we sing about something doesn’t mean that we are praising the thing about which we are singing. Furthermore, don’t a vast number of Psalms direct a great many words toward speaking of the unrighteous and the enemies of the Psalmist? Would singing that Psalm therefore indicate a perverse praise of such enemies? Hardly! The Scriptures are replete with examples of a similar method of using the enemies of God to contrast the righteous and using examples of sin to establish the faithfulness of Christ’s triumph over it.
One expressed concern involved the fact that Jesus was not explicitly mentioned until the end of the song. However, such concern is unwarranted for a couple of reasons. First, the gospel is founded on the inability of man to fulfill the law. Without the bad news, there is no good news. We must start with a problem before a solution makes sense. Second, the nature of biblical revelation is explicitly progressive. The Bible starts with the goodness of Eden, but it takes some thousands of pages until we again get to perfection. It takes an entire Old Testament before we explicitly meet the Son of God and an entire gospel before we find its heart, the slaughter and resurrection of Christ. The Bible utilizes the literary method of suspense to dramatize the uniqueness and power of salvation. The song should not be faulted for doing a similar work.
3. The minister is Biblically-faithful
Some complaints, as mentioned, questioned the maturity or wisdom of Michael in choosing such a song, concerned that there is no process by which songs are filtered for theological content. As to this concern that Michael acts as a Lone Ranger in choosing songs, with no oversight whatsoever, there should be no apprehension. A number of times, I and other pastors have received phone calls and/or e-mails from Michael as to the theological content of the songs which are sung. I have hardly heard a single new song introduced which has not been adequately thought through by various pastors.
In addition, Michael is a true student of the word. So passionate is he for teaching God’s truth that he leads his team in regular meetings in which he works through the doctrines presented in Grudem’s, Systematic Theology. Not normal fare for a worship pastor, I am sure.
To be perfectly honest, I have yet to meet another worship pastor (not that there are none out there) with an equaled passion for doctrinal purity and for using the media of song to teach the beautiful truths of Christ to the church. I am ever thankful that I can rest easy in trusting that Michael will not lead the hearts or minds of the flock away from the Shepherd.
Conclusion:
I certainly understand that some people did not enjoy the song, but my hope is that we will all recognize that dislike alone should not open the door for criticism. Hopefully all who have concerns will recognize that the issue is not one of wisdom, but personal preference. True, the song is not inerrant (not much is), but it did not violate Scripture. Furthermore, the congregation wasn’t even led to participate in singing the song. Rather, truth, in a creative manner, was sung over the audience. We were told to listen and absorb. We must keep in mind that not all share our preferences and desires.
Lastly, I thought I would mention the fact that a number of congregants were deeply touched by the message. Tuesday morning I received an e-mail from a friend speaking of the depth of worship he experienced in having woken up the night before with the words of the song in his mind. As he pondered the words over and over, he realized not only the validity of the message, but also his own frailty in having bitten the bait so often. Just this very evening I came home to find one of my roommates listening to the song. When I asked him his thoughts on it, he shared that he had been meditating on the message for the past couple of days. Over and over he listened to the song while praying that he might remember the refrain. The gospel demands that we not only remember that Jesus saves, but that we remember from what it is that we are saved (notice all the commands to remember throughout Scripture).
The truth is that we all have our own feelings and preferences. Some people were ambivalent toward the song, some people were frustrated, but others were broken, encouraged, edified and taught by it. It is painfully clear that no person, no church, no church service and no song can please everyone. We are all different and God has wired and gifted us in different ways. These distinctions should be embraced.
Let us not fall victim to judging people or things by a yoke which is not justified. The fact is that Michael chose a song which violated neither Scriptural truths nor principles. Let us remember the lies and, ultimately, the truth which sets us free – Jesus saves!
Amen.
-Geoff Ashley
of The Village Church’s Use of
On the weekend of September 15th and 16th, 2007, Michael Bleecker, Worship Pastor at The Village Church, introduced the song, “Embracing Accusation,” originally written by Shane Barnard and recorded by Shane and Shane. After giving a brief overview of the Biblical context of the song, Michael asked the congregation to be seated and allow the worship team to sing it over them.
The following week Michael in particular received some intensely negative feedback regarding the song. Not only did the discouragement include questions of the validity of the message, but even questioned Michael’s maturity and theological prowess in choosing such a song.
The lyrics to the song are as follows:
Father of lies, coming to steal kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
He’s right, halleluia, he’s right
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation
Could the father of lies be telling the truth of
God to me tonight?
That if the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”
The devil’s singing over me an age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain.
JESUS SAVES!!!
As a friend and co-worker of Michael’s I thought I would offer up the following defense, though I am quite sure it is unnecessary. The following are simply my thoughts as to the validity of singing such an apparently controversial song.
1. The message is Biblically-accurate
2. The method is Biblically-established
3. The minister is Biblically-faithful
1. The message is Biblically-accurate
The song is derived from Galatians 3:10-13 which reads:
For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT ABIDE BY ALL THINGS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF THE LAW, TO PERFORM THEM." Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, "THE RIGHTEOUS MAN SHALL LIVE BY FAITH." However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "HE WHO PRACTICES THEM SHALL LIVE BY THEM." Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us--for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE"
Satan is indeed the father of lies (John 8:44), who has come to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10). No man will ever be good enough and so all such hope is no hope at all (Romans 3:20).
Does Satan literally sing and preach accusation over us? No, but it is a song and that involves poetry and symbolism. We do know that Satan is the accuser (being the Hebrew term for it) and even that he is said to constantly make accusation against the brethren day and night (Revelation 12:10).
The fact is the law brings forth a curse and that all who rely upon this law are therefore under the curse. Since none of us are able to stand up to the law’s demands, we are worthy of the curse and unworthy of life. If that is the accusation leveled against us by Satan, then he is right. We are not worthy of anything but wrath!
Just because he is the father of lies, that doesn’t mean that everything he says is a complete falsehood. Rather, he masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14) and perverts and corrupts the truth to suit his malicious purposes (see Genesis 3). He twists and bends the truth just enough.
The song tells a truth. All truth is God’s truth. Truth is good.
2. The method is Biblically-established
Some complaints hinted that a song which focuses so much of the text upon Satan is therefore a song chiefly concerned with Satan. However, the fact that we sing about something doesn’t mean that we are praising the thing about which we are singing. Furthermore, don’t a vast number of Psalms direct a great many words toward speaking of the unrighteous and the enemies of the Psalmist? Would singing that Psalm therefore indicate a perverse praise of such enemies? Hardly! The Scriptures are replete with examples of a similar method of using the enemies of God to contrast the righteous and using examples of sin to establish the faithfulness of Christ’s triumph over it.
One expressed concern involved the fact that Jesus was not explicitly mentioned until the end of the song. However, such concern is unwarranted for a couple of reasons. First, the gospel is founded on the inability of man to fulfill the law. Without the bad news, there is no good news. We must start with a problem before a solution makes sense. Second, the nature of biblical revelation is explicitly progressive. The Bible starts with the goodness of Eden, but it takes some thousands of pages until we again get to perfection. It takes an entire Old Testament before we explicitly meet the Son of God and an entire gospel before we find its heart, the slaughter and resurrection of Christ. The Bible utilizes the literary method of suspense to dramatize the uniqueness and power of salvation. The song should not be faulted for doing a similar work.
3. The minister is Biblically-faithful
Some complaints, as mentioned, questioned the maturity or wisdom of Michael in choosing such a song, concerned that there is no process by which songs are filtered for theological content. As to this concern that Michael acts as a Lone Ranger in choosing songs, with no oversight whatsoever, there should be no apprehension. A number of times, I and other pastors have received phone calls and/or e-mails from Michael as to the theological content of the songs which are sung. I have hardly heard a single new song introduced which has not been adequately thought through by various pastors.
In addition, Michael is a true student of the word. So passionate is he for teaching God’s truth that he leads his team in regular meetings in which he works through the doctrines presented in Grudem’s, Systematic Theology. Not normal fare for a worship pastor, I am sure.
To be perfectly honest, I have yet to meet another worship pastor (not that there are none out there) with an equaled passion for doctrinal purity and for using the media of song to teach the beautiful truths of Christ to the church. I am ever thankful that I can rest easy in trusting that Michael will not lead the hearts or minds of the flock away from the Shepherd.
Conclusion:
I certainly understand that some people did not enjoy the song, but my hope is that we will all recognize that dislike alone should not open the door for criticism. Hopefully all who have concerns will recognize that the issue is not one of wisdom, but personal preference. True, the song is not inerrant (not much is), but it did not violate Scripture. Furthermore, the congregation wasn’t even led to participate in singing the song. Rather, truth, in a creative manner, was sung over the audience. We were told to listen and absorb. We must keep in mind that not all share our preferences and desires.
Lastly, I thought I would mention the fact that a number of congregants were deeply touched by the message. Tuesday morning I received an e-mail from a friend speaking of the depth of worship he experienced in having woken up the night before with the words of the song in his mind. As he pondered the words over and over, he realized not only the validity of the message, but also his own frailty in having bitten the bait so often. Just this very evening I came home to find one of my roommates listening to the song. When I asked him his thoughts on it, he shared that he had been meditating on the message for the past couple of days. Over and over he listened to the song while praying that he might remember the refrain. The gospel demands that we not only remember that Jesus saves, but that we remember from what it is that we are saved (notice all the commands to remember throughout Scripture).
The truth is that we all have our own feelings and preferences. Some people were ambivalent toward the song, some people were frustrated, but others were broken, encouraged, edified and taught by it. It is painfully clear that no person, no church, no church service and no song can please everyone. We are all different and God has wired and gifted us in different ways. These distinctions should be embraced.
Let us not fall victim to judging people or things by a yoke which is not justified. The fact is that Michael chose a song which violated neither Scriptural truths nor principles. Let us remember the lies and, ultimately, the truth which sets us free – Jesus saves!
Amen.
-Geoff Ashley
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
A Long Remembrance, A Thankful Heart, And A Blessed Hope
This is a long remembrance, the cry of a thankful heart, and the shout of a blessed hope:
The door shut behind me. This apartment was nice. I looked out over the balcony. Before me a mountain range sloped across the sky, and aspen trees rustled in the wind's embrace. This was Colorado. I had always wanted to move, to just go away, and be by myself. This was my opportunity. This was my time to be a man, and not need anyone, to be strong. In the end, I would show everyone that I was tough, and that I could make it on my own.
There was nothing in the apartment but my bag, backpack, and computer. Mom was shipping my boxes to me. I stepped outside on the balcony, and sat down on the chair I brought with me. I lit up one of the black and mild cigars that I hoped would bring comfort, but there wasn't much there for me. I put on my headphones and dived into the soundtrack from LEGENDS OF THE FALL, and for a moment, I was caught up in being the wild one who won't ever let life hurt him again, who won't ever, ever make that mistake again. There was no resolve.
I went inside, sliding the balcony door behind me. I opened up my laptop, and put in, THE LAST SAMURAI. A movie. A movie will always soothe me. I will take my comfort in this. Surely, surely, this. Nothing.
I sat back on the bare floor, in the empty apartment, with my broken, lonely soul. And I cried. I just sat there and cried. There was nothing else to do.
That night would come again a year and a half later in a different place, but the new night brought a change. I started pleading with God.
I started saying, "If you really exist, if you really care, will you help me? Or, will you make it to where I never wake up again? Please do one of these. Please. I can't go on. I give up. I've done every possible thing I know to do in life, and I quit. I don't have any more strength to fight. I am dead. Take me or help me. Take me or help me. Take me or help me. Please help. I'm so scared."
He did both.
He reached down and grabbed me, and threw me into a place I still don't fully understand. He broke me, scattered me into specks of dust floating in the wind. Then he gathered the dust up, and breathed life into me. He revived me according to His word. (Psalm 119) In faithfulness He afflicted me, and His lovingkindess comforted me. (Psalm 119) He heard my voice according to His lovingkindess. (Psalm 119)
"The right hand of the Lord is exalted;
The right hand of the Lord does valiantly.
I will not die, but live,
And tell of the works of the Lord. (Let it be Lord! Send me out for Your Glory!)
The Lord has disciplined me severely,
But He has not given me over to death."
-Psalm 118:15-18 NASB
"This is my comfort in my affliction,
That Your word has revived me."
-Psalm 119:50
Jesus saves!
By His will, by His power, for His glory, He brought me to the Village, and He opened my eyes to see strength, to see what being a man is--a shape of dust in need of a savior. A soul completely dependent on Jesus.
He opened my eyes to see that I am nothing but a soul that cleaves to the dust. (Psalm 119) My very nature reaches for the dust I was crafted from. I am hopeless without Him. I am dead in my trespasses. I should be dead right now.
But He saves! Jesus saves! He revived me according to His word. All those years ago, He took the dust from the ground, formed it, and breathed life into the first man according to the power of His word. Then man tasted death. How will this dust live again?
It will live according to His word!
"Revive me according to Your word."
-Psalm 119:25
Breathe on us Lord. Do not leave us to death and despair. Do not let us return to the dust we came from. Revive us according to Your word! Amen.
I am thankful. From such places of loneliness and despair the Lord has saved me. He has taught me other things about being a man. A man needs help from friends. A man is not strong by himself, he is dead. A man needs help.
I don't understand the friends I have. I don't understand the community I live in. How could I, for who can fully know the ways of the Lord? Because it is the Lord that has crafted the community I live in. IT IS NOT MAN! It wouldn't make any sense if it was man. Only our merciful Lord could establish something like this.
A letter of encouragement. Dinners with great food, and deep conversation. Dedicated nights of affirmation and challenge. Rebuking. Prayer. Comfort. Sympathy. Empathy. Laughter. Movies. Trips. Study. Music. Swimming. Fun. A shoulder, and a hand. A hug, and a kiss. Help.
The Lord is mighty. The Lord is to be praised.
I am thankful. Most people live their whole lives without a whole week of this community, much less years. We have been given a miracle in our midst.
Why? For His glory, for our joy, and for others. This must go out. It cannot, cannot, cannot end on us. We must not turn a deaf ear, or a blind eye to those that are hurting around us. We cannot be closed, but open, seeking out those who were like us--hurt, confused, lost, and in despair. May He bring them to Himself, and may He use us to be His hands and feet in this broken world. May He open our eyes to see the lost.
I am thankful. He has shown me what friendship can look like. He has shown me a concern that is not built on selfish gain, but on the outpouring of a love for Jesus. A care that is not worried about what it will receive, but what it can give. A deep, earnest desire to serve, rather than to be served. A life of sacrifice, not selfishness. May it be!
I am thankful. God's word is so heart-wrenching. But it is full of hope. It is real, and it is hard, and His ways are not our ways. There is a passage in Job that grabbed me today, and ultimately became the whole motivation for writing this passage.
It is a story of pain, grief, and loss, but it's a story of friends too. Of how God will use broken, dust-filled men to comfort His children in community.
****Before I share the story, I think it is crucial to say that the friends in this story are rebuked by God, and that they cause harm in the end, which shows that friends can never be our ultimate hope. But I believe this short story illustrates a moment that God used broken, dust-filled men to comfort His child. And it's the way He used them to comfort in this moment that so intrigues me.****
This story is from the book of Job. Job has lost his possessions. He has lost his sons and daughters. He has boils from his feet to his head. He is scraping himself while sitting in ashes. His wife has asked him to curse God and die.
In this moment, Job's three friends come to see him. They have heard of all his adversity, and they want to sympathize with him and comfort him.
What will they do? In this moment, how will they comfort him? Here is what happened:
"When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great."
(italics, my emphasis) Job 2:12-13 NASB
What did they do? In this moment, they did not try to give Job the wisest nugget of wisdom ever given to man. They did not try to fix anything. They did not curse Job, or laugh at him, or find fault with him. In this moment, they did something else:
"Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great."
For seven days and seven nights? Wow. Haha. That is amazing. Could any of us do that? Would any of us do that? I know I always want to give that one word of wisdom that will set things right, or tunnel down into the depths of the problem to find the answer. This is finally what Job's friends attempt to do too, but before their folly, they do something amazing. They just sit there with him. There are no words. There is nothing to say. They are just there with him, "because they saw that his pain was very great."
I think in this moment, we see one of the many ways community can work in God's hands. Sometimes, we just need to be there for each other. There is nothing we can do, and nothing we can fix. All we can do is be there. And by God's grace, I have friends that will just be there, because there is nothing else they can do. I want others to have this too. I have hope that they will.
I have a long remembrance of what it's like without this community. And I have a thankful heart for the community He has given now. More than anything I have a blessed hope, because my hope is ultimately not in community itself, nor in what God has done in my life, nor in what He is doing and will do in others lives, nor in my church, nor in my future. It is in Him. It is in the maker and sustainer of the universe, the Holy One of Israel.
In the end, I have A Blessed Hope,
"For it is for this we labor and strive, because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers."
-1 Timothy 4:10
The door shut behind me. This apartment was nice. I looked out over the balcony. Before me a mountain range sloped across the sky, and aspen trees rustled in the wind's embrace. This was Colorado. I had always wanted to move, to just go away, and be by myself. This was my opportunity. This was my time to be a man, and not need anyone, to be strong. In the end, I would show everyone that I was tough, and that I could make it on my own.
There was nothing in the apartment but my bag, backpack, and computer. Mom was shipping my boxes to me. I stepped outside on the balcony, and sat down on the chair I brought with me. I lit up one of the black and mild cigars that I hoped would bring comfort, but there wasn't much there for me. I put on my headphones and dived into the soundtrack from LEGENDS OF THE FALL, and for a moment, I was caught up in being the wild one who won't ever let life hurt him again, who won't ever, ever make that mistake again. There was no resolve.
I went inside, sliding the balcony door behind me. I opened up my laptop, and put in, THE LAST SAMURAI. A movie. A movie will always soothe me. I will take my comfort in this. Surely, surely, this. Nothing.
I sat back on the bare floor, in the empty apartment, with my broken, lonely soul. And I cried. I just sat there and cried. There was nothing else to do.
That night would come again a year and a half later in a different place, but the new night brought a change. I started pleading with God.
I started saying, "If you really exist, if you really care, will you help me? Or, will you make it to where I never wake up again? Please do one of these. Please. I can't go on. I give up. I've done every possible thing I know to do in life, and I quit. I don't have any more strength to fight. I am dead. Take me or help me. Take me or help me. Take me or help me. Please help. I'm so scared."
He did both.
He reached down and grabbed me, and threw me into a place I still don't fully understand. He broke me, scattered me into specks of dust floating in the wind. Then he gathered the dust up, and breathed life into me. He revived me according to His word. (Psalm 119) In faithfulness He afflicted me, and His lovingkindess comforted me. (Psalm 119) He heard my voice according to His lovingkindess. (Psalm 119)
"The right hand of the Lord is exalted;
The right hand of the Lord does valiantly.
I will not die, but live,
And tell of the works of the Lord. (Let it be Lord! Send me out for Your Glory!)
The Lord has disciplined me severely,
But He has not given me over to death."
-Psalm 118:15-18 NASB
"This is my comfort in my affliction,
That Your word has revived me."
-Psalm 119:50
Jesus saves!
By His will, by His power, for His glory, He brought me to the Village, and He opened my eyes to see strength, to see what being a man is--a shape of dust in need of a savior. A soul completely dependent on Jesus.
He opened my eyes to see that I am nothing but a soul that cleaves to the dust. (Psalm 119) My very nature reaches for the dust I was crafted from. I am hopeless without Him. I am dead in my trespasses. I should be dead right now.
But He saves! Jesus saves! He revived me according to His word. All those years ago, He took the dust from the ground, formed it, and breathed life into the first man according to the power of His word. Then man tasted death. How will this dust live again?
It will live according to His word!
"Revive me according to Your word."
-Psalm 119:25
Breathe on us Lord. Do not leave us to death and despair. Do not let us return to the dust we came from. Revive us according to Your word! Amen.
I am thankful. From such places of loneliness and despair the Lord has saved me. He has taught me other things about being a man. A man needs help from friends. A man is not strong by himself, he is dead. A man needs help.
I don't understand the friends I have. I don't understand the community I live in. How could I, for who can fully know the ways of the Lord? Because it is the Lord that has crafted the community I live in. IT IS NOT MAN! It wouldn't make any sense if it was man. Only our merciful Lord could establish something like this.
A letter of encouragement. Dinners with great food, and deep conversation. Dedicated nights of affirmation and challenge. Rebuking. Prayer. Comfort. Sympathy. Empathy. Laughter. Movies. Trips. Study. Music. Swimming. Fun. A shoulder, and a hand. A hug, and a kiss. Help.
The Lord is mighty. The Lord is to be praised.
I am thankful. Most people live their whole lives without a whole week of this community, much less years. We have been given a miracle in our midst.
Why? For His glory, for our joy, and for others. This must go out. It cannot, cannot, cannot end on us. We must not turn a deaf ear, or a blind eye to those that are hurting around us. We cannot be closed, but open, seeking out those who were like us--hurt, confused, lost, and in despair. May He bring them to Himself, and may He use us to be His hands and feet in this broken world. May He open our eyes to see the lost.
I am thankful. He has shown me what friendship can look like. He has shown me a concern that is not built on selfish gain, but on the outpouring of a love for Jesus. A care that is not worried about what it will receive, but what it can give. A deep, earnest desire to serve, rather than to be served. A life of sacrifice, not selfishness. May it be!
I am thankful. God's word is so heart-wrenching. But it is full of hope. It is real, and it is hard, and His ways are not our ways. There is a passage in Job that grabbed me today, and ultimately became the whole motivation for writing this passage.
It is a story of pain, grief, and loss, but it's a story of friends too. Of how God will use broken, dust-filled men to comfort His children in community.
****Before I share the story, I think it is crucial to say that the friends in this story are rebuked by God, and that they cause harm in the end, which shows that friends can never be our ultimate hope. But I believe this short story illustrates a moment that God used broken, dust-filled men to comfort His child. And it's the way He used them to comfort in this moment that so intrigues me.****
This story is from the book of Job. Job has lost his possessions. He has lost his sons and daughters. He has boils from his feet to his head. He is scraping himself while sitting in ashes. His wife has asked him to curse God and die.
In this moment, Job's three friends come to see him. They have heard of all his adversity, and they want to sympathize with him and comfort him.
What will they do? In this moment, how will they comfort him? Here is what happened:
"When they lifted up their eyes at a distance and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great."
(italics, my emphasis) Job 2:12-13 NASB
What did they do? In this moment, they did not try to give Job the wisest nugget of wisdom ever given to man. They did not try to fix anything. They did not curse Job, or laugh at him, or find fault with him. In this moment, they did something else:
"Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great."
For seven days and seven nights? Wow. Haha. That is amazing. Could any of us do that? Would any of us do that? I know I always want to give that one word of wisdom that will set things right, or tunnel down into the depths of the problem to find the answer. This is finally what Job's friends attempt to do too, but before their folly, they do something amazing. They just sit there with him. There are no words. There is nothing to say. They are just there with him, "because they saw that his pain was very great."
I think in this moment, we see one of the many ways community can work in God's hands. Sometimes, we just need to be there for each other. There is nothing we can do, and nothing we can fix. All we can do is be there. And by God's grace, I have friends that will just be there, because there is nothing else they can do. I want others to have this too. I have hope that they will.
I have a long remembrance of what it's like without this community. And I have a thankful heart for the community He has given now. More than anything I have a blessed hope, because my hope is ultimately not in community itself, nor in what God has done in my life, nor in what He is doing and will do in others lives, nor in my church, nor in my future. It is in Him. It is in the maker and sustainer of the universe, the Holy One of Israel.
In the end, I have A Blessed Hope,
"For it is for this we labor and strive, because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers."
-1 Timothy 4:10
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Three Short Stories
Reservation Road
Self-Medicated
Trade
I just finished watching these three short stories. I have no idea if the movies will be any good, but I know these trailers are. There is so much that scratches underneath our surfaces, and crawls in the darkness of our lives. May we not be blind and deaf to the suffering around us.
Self-Medicated
Trade
I just finished watching these three short stories. I have no idea if the movies will be any good, but I know these trailers are. There is so much that scratches underneath our surfaces, and crawls in the darkness of our lives. May we not be blind and deaf to the suffering around us.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Rambling
Things I want to write about:
God is good. I want to write with passion. I want to live with passion. I hate the times when I internally try to rein myself in, instead of just being excited. I don't want to be that way. God made me the way he made me for a reason.
Oh! How I love hope! God has been teaching me a great deal about hope lately.
1 John 3:2
ἀγαπητοί νῦν τέκνα θεοῦ ἐσμεν καὶ οὔπω ἐφανερώθη τί ἐσόμεθα οἴδαμεν ὅτι ἐὰν φανερωθῇ ὅμοιοι αὐτῷ ἐσόμεθα ὅτι ὀψόμεθα αὐτὸν καθώς ἐστιν
Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. (NASB)
1 John 3:3
καὶ πᾶς ὁ ἔχων τὴν ἐλπίδα ταύτην ἐπ' αὐτῷ ἁγνίζει ἑαυτὸν καθὼς ἐκεῖνος ἁγνός ἐστιν
And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. (NASB)
These verses are amazing to me.
"Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be."
I mean, listen to that! My goodness. We have not appeared as what we will be. Oh, thank you Father! This means that when we fear things or people we shouldn't fear, when we have anxiety we shouldn't have, when we doubt when we shouldn't doubt, we have not appeared as what we will be.
"We know that when He appears, we will be like Him..."
What? Are you kidding me? We will be like Him. This is just incredible. All things fade on earth until death finds them, but He is eternal! We will not die, but live! Amen.
"...because we will see Him just as He is."
Oh, for that day Lord. Oh, for that day.
And this shatters my thoughts:
"And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure."
Haha...wow. This is hope--that we have our hope fixed on Him! In the end, all of the growth we experience, all of the joys we know, all of the friends we have, marriage, children, love, death, it is all trumped in the light of this hope. These are all wonderful gifts He gives us, but in the end, our hope cannot end on these things. His mercy to us is that our hope is fixed on Him. Oh Father, thank you. Please, we beseech you that our hope will be fixed on you, and nothing else. Amen.
So, lately I've been thinking, I don't want to be content with my growth in the Lord. I want to know Him more, to love Him more, to desire Him more, to be consumed by Him. In the end, I want my life to be like Paul's, or Spurgeon's, or Luther's.
But after teaching me about hope one night in 1 John, he taught me again in 1 Timothy 4:10.
1 Timothy 4:10
εἰς τοῦτο γὰρ κοπιῶμεν καὶ ἀγωνιζόμεθα ὅτι ἠλπίκαμεν ἐπὶ θεῷ ζῶντι ὅς ἐστιν σωτὴρ πάντων ἀνθρώπων μάλιστα πιστῶν
For it is for this we labor and strive, because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers. (NASB)
Why do I labor and strive to know the Lord? Why do I want to imitate my heroes of the faith?
"...because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers."
What peace and freedom this truth brings. What mercy he has shown us. Our hope is fixed on the precious name of our Lord Jesus, and nothing else.
I love you Lord. Thank you for letting me write. Thank you for letting me breathe. Thank you for letting me rest in You. Amen.
PS-
Dear Most Excellent Roommate Dude,
This Greek's for you.
God is good. I want to write with passion. I want to live with passion. I hate the times when I internally try to rein myself in, instead of just being excited. I don't want to be that way. God made me the way he made me for a reason.
Oh! How I love hope! God has been teaching me a great deal about hope lately.
1 John 3:2
ἀγαπητοί νῦν τέκνα θεοῦ ἐσμεν καὶ οὔπω ἐφανερώθη τί ἐσόμεθα οἴδαμεν ὅτι ἐὰν φανερωθῇ ὅμοιοι αὐτῷ ἐσόμεθα ὅτι ὀψόμεθα αὐτὸν καθώς ἐστιν
Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. (NASB)
1 John 3:3
καὶ πᾶς ὁ ἔχων τὴν ἐλπίδα ταύτην ἐπ' αὐτῷ ἁγνίζει ἑαυτὸν καθὼς ἐκεῖνος ἁγνός ἐστιν
And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. (NASB)
These verses are amazing to me.
"Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be."
I mean, listen to that! My goodness. We have not appeared as what we will be. Oh, thank you Father! This means that when we fear things or people we shouldn't fear, when we have anxiety we shouldn't have, when we doubt when we shouldn't doubt, we have not appeared as what we will be.
"We know that when He appears, we will be like Him..."
What? Are you kidding me? We will be like Him. This is just incredible. All things fade on earth until death finds them, but He is eternal! We will not die, but live! Amen.
"...because we will see Him just as He is."
Oh, for that day Lord. Oh, for that day.
And this shatters my thoughts:
"And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure."
Haha...wow. This is hope--that we have our hope fixed on Him! In the end, all of the growth we experience, all of the joys we know, all of the friends we have, marriage, children, love, death, it is all trumped in the light of this hope. These are all wonderful gifts He gives us, but in the end, our hope cannot end on these things. His mercy to us is that our hope is fixed on Him. Oh Father, thank you. Please, we beseech you that our hope will be fixed on you, and nothing else. Amen.
So, lately I've been thinking, I don't want to be content with my growth in the Lord. I want to know Him more, to love Him more, to desire Him more, to be consumed by Him. In the end, I want my life to be like Paul's, or Spurgeon's, or Luther's.
But after teaching me about hope one night in 1 John, he taught me again in 1 Timothy 4:10.
1 Timothy 4:10
εἰς τοῦτο γὰρ κοπιῶμεν καὶ ἀγωνιζόμεθα ὅτι ἠλπίκαμεν ἐπὶ θεῷ ζῶντι ὅς ἐστιν σωτὴρ πάντων ἀνθρώπων μάλιστα πιστῶν
For it is for this we labor and strive, because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers. (NASB)
Why do I labor and strive to know the Lord? Why do I want to imitate my heroes of the faith?
"...because we have fixed our hope on the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of believers."
What peace and freedom this truth brings. What mercy he has shown us. Our hope is fixed on the precious name of our Lord Jesus, and nothing else.
I love you Lord. Thank you for letting me write. Thank you for letting me breathe. Thank you for letting me rest in You. Amen.
PS-
Dear Most Excellent Roommate Dude,
This Greek's for you.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Premonitions
***Movie Spoiler Warning***
(The above means don't get mad at me for revealing the end of this movie if you keep reading this)
Last Friday, Geoff and I made some steaks, and sat down to watch a little movie we like to call, PREMONITION, with Sandra Bullock. We heard that it had a tricky ending, so we decided to play a game.
The challenge: after thirty minutes of story time, we write down the ending--basically, what's going on here in PREMONITION land?
So, twenty-five minutes in, I wrote this:
She (Bullock) truly has premonitions, but her reactions to her premonitions end up causing Jim (her husband) to die, when he would not have died if she did not try to arrange life around her premonitions.
This is somewhat right, but five minutes later I wrote:
Jim orchestrates the appearance of his death for his own personal gain and Sandra Bullock is straight up crazy.
This is still somewhat right.
However, I am proud to say Geoff absolutely nailed the ending! I'm still not sure how he did it, except that he must have read some spoiler before watching the movie, and tricked me into thinking he didn't know what would happen.
I've asked Geoff for permission to reprint his writing, and he has generously agreed to let me share his prediction with you. I must warn you, this is some of the best stuff I've seen out of the workshop in years. Brace yourself.
I present Geoff Ashley on...PREMONITION.
"Having contacted Dr. Emmit Brown, Sandra Bullock is taken on an excellent adventure with her old pal Keanu Reeves. In visiting Marty, they discover a lake house where things are not what they seem. Apparently Sandra has concocted a batch of crazy juice made from dead crow parts. This potion summons the Spirit of Brandon Lee who kicks some crazy tail. During the battle, Keanu races the Delorean in his own machine, a phonebooth. However, he dials the wrong number and ends up in the Matrix where Lawrence Fishburne attempts to fight him. When Keanu is backed against the wall he calls forth Brandon into the Matrix. Insanity ensues which is good for Sandra, who doesn't have to make any more crazy juice. Haley Joel Osment pays it forward by seeing the spirit of Sandra's husband, but Bruce Willis dies harder."
I'm still in shock over this, and I've contacted several agents on Geoff's behalf. Who really knows what will happen next in this epic saga of...Premonitions. Stay tuned.
The above is protected under all natural laws, and some laws in a few states that have different laws than the other states for some reason. What is up with those states? Any use of this premonition without express written consent of the author is prohibited, unless verbal consent is given, which is about a 60/40 chance depending on whether you feel lucky or not. Well, do you, punk?
(The above means don't get mad at me for revealing the end of this movie if you keep reading this)
Last Friday, Geoff and I made some steaks, and sat down to watch a little movie we like to call, PREMONITION, with Sandra Bullock. We heard that it had a tricky ending, so we decided to play a game.
The challenge: after thirty minutes of story time, we write down the ending--basically, what's going on here in PREMONITION land?
So, twenty-five minutes in, I wrote this:
She (Bullock) truly has premonitions, but her reactions to her premonitions end up causing Jim (her husband) to die, when he would not have died if she did not try to arrange life around her premonitions.
This is somewhat right, but five minutes later I wrote:
Jim orchestrates the appearance of his death for his own personal gain and Sandra Bullock is straight up crazy.
This is still somewhat right.
However, I am proud to say Geoff absolutely nailed the ending! I'm still not sure how he did it, except that he must have read some spoiler before watching the movie, and tricked me into thinking he didn't know what would happen.
I've asked Geoff for permission to reprint his writing, and he has generously agreed to let me share his prediction with you. I must warn you, this is some of the best stuff I've seen out of the workshop in years. Brace yourself.
I present Geoff Ashley on...PREMONITION.
"Having contacted Dr. Emmit Brown, Sandra Bullock is taken on an excellent adventure with her old pal Keanu Reeves. In visiting Marty, they discover a lake house where things are not what they seem. Apparently Sandra has concocted a batch of crazy juice made from dead crow parts. This potion summons the Spirit of Brandon Lee who kicks some crazy tail. During the battle, Keanu races the Delorean in his own machine, a phonebooth. However, he dials the wrong number and ends up in the Matrix where Lawrence Fishburne attempts to fight him. When Keanu is backed against the wall he calls forth Brandon into the Matrix. Insanity ensues which is good for Sandra, who doesn't have to make any more crazy juice. Haley Joel Osment pays it forward by seeing the spirit of Sandra's husband, but Bruce Willis dies harder."
I'm still in shock over this, and I've contacted several agents on Geoff's behalf. Who really knows what will happen next in this epic saga of...Premonitions. Stay tuned.
The above is protected under all natural laws, and some laws in a few states that have different laws than the other states for some reason. What is up with those states? Any use of this premonition without express written consent of the author is prohibited, unless verbal consent is given, which is about a 60/40 chance depending on whether you feel lucky or not. Well, do you, punk?
Monday, August 13, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Randomness
Kristen and LB tagged me so here goes...
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
My Random Facts:
1)I keep four fresh containers of Play-Doh next to my computer. How could you not? They remind me of childhood, they are fun to squeeze when stressed, and I can make cool action figures on my keyboard tray so they can war against each other. Please...
2)I have a bookshelf in my room loaded with a lot of books I still haven't read. When I was in Mansfield living by myself for a year, and hardly ever seeing other living people, I went to the bookstore, and bought books. Like six at a time. It was my refuge from life. I haven't had time to read them all.
3)In High School, at my girlfriend's Senior Prom, I voted for her best friend as Prom Queen instead of her. I did this because I thought no one could vote for their own girlfriend or boyfriend for Prom royalty. My girlfriend lost by one vote for Kirbyville High School Prom Queen 1996 to her best friend. Ouch.
4)I love to grab the underside of the stitching on my t-shirts and rub them. Every shirt has a different feel, and I love the variances. My favorite part, and almost always the best one, is where the sleeve and the shoulder stitching is.
5)I think the best order to watch the Star Wars saga is:
4-A NEW HOPE
5-EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
2-ATTACK OF THE CLONES
3-REVENGE OF THE SITH
6-RETURN OF THE JEDI
You may ask why I think this. (Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyway) The prequels are nothing but back story anyway. The story starts in 4. We need to jump right in the action. Then after 5, we want to know how in the world homeboy got in the suit. So we go back to the Clone Wars in part 2. (Nothing happens in Episode 1. Don't worry about it.) Then, after the devastation of 3, we go to the finale of all that has happened for the past 40+ years. This is editing en masse. Editing is the juxtaposition, and rubbing together of disparate images and actions. Each new collision of story creates a new emotion, and pushes the story forward and deeper until the climax of it all. Well, this is editing Star Wars on a grand scale, and the results may shock you, even though you will never take the time to do this.
6)I love to drive. It is one of the top things that God uses to draw me closer to Him. It is hypnotic for me. I'm moved to deep waters that are a blessing to swim in. In High School, I drove 45 minutes to get to school, and in some of college, I drove one and a half hours each way to school. I loved almost every minute of it.
7)I moved to Los Angeles, stayed for 3 days, packed all my stuff up, and moved back to Texas. I was scared.
8)I pitched a movie (presented a short synopsis of a movie) to the creative executive at Lightstorm Entertainment, which is Jim Cameron's production company in Santa Monica. I sat under the most massive TITANIC poster I've ever seen. It was a cool experience.
I tag Geoff, Gus Granger, Allan, Dee, Robert A., Arry P., Dwight S., and Andy B.
The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
My Random Facts:
1)I keep four fresh containers of Play-Doh next to my computer. How could you not? They remind me of childhood, they are fun to squeeze when stressed, and I can make cool action figures on my keyboard tray so they can war against each other. Please...
2)I have a bookshelf in my room loaded with a lot of books I still haven't read. When I was in Mansfield living by myself for a year, and hardly ever seeing other living people, I went to the bookstore, and bought books. Like six at a time. It was my refuge from life. I haven't had time to read them all.
3)In High School, at my girlfriend's Senior Prom, I voted for her best friend as Prom Queen instead of her. I did this because I thought no one could vote for their own girlfriend or boyfriend for Prom royalty. My girlfriend lost by one vote for Kirbyville High School Prom Queen 1996 to her best friend. Ouch.
4)I love to grab the underside of the stitching on my t-shirts and rub them. Every shirt has a different feel, and I love the variances. My favorite part, and almost always the best one, is where the sleeve and the shoulder stitching is.
5)I think the best order to watch the Star Wars saga is:
4-A NEW HOPE
5-EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
2-ATTACK OF THE CLONES
3-REVENGE OF THE SITH
6-RETURN OF THE JEDI
You may ask why I think this. (Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyway) The prequels are nothing but back story anyway. The story starts in 4. We need to jump right in the action. Then after 5, we want to know how in the world homeboy got in the suit. So we go back to the Clone Wars in part 2. (Nothing happens in Episode 1. Don't worry about it.) Then, after the devastation of 3, we go to the finale of all that has happened for the past 40+ years. This is editing en masse. Editing is the juxtaposition, and rubbing together of disparate images and actions. Each new collision of story creates a new emotion, and pushes the story forward and deeper until the climax of it all. Well, this is editing Star Wars on a grand scale, and the results may shock you, even though you will never take the time to do this.
6)I love to drive. It is one of the top things that God uses to draw me closer to Him. It is hypnotic for me. I'm moved to deep waters that are a blessing to swim in. In High School, I drove 45 minutes to get to school, and in some of college, I drove one and a half hours each way to school. I loved almost every minute of it.
7)I moved to Los Angeles, stayed for 3 days, packed all my stuff up, and moved back to Texas. I was scared.
8)I pitched a movie (presented a short synopsis of a movie) to the creative executive at Lightstorm Entertainment, which is Jim Cameron's production company in Santa Monica. I sat under the most massive TITANIC poster I've ever seen. It was a cool experience.
I tag Geoff, Gus Granger, Allan, Dee, Robert A., Arry P., Dwight S., and Andy B.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Who Will Need Jesus The Most?
I've always thought the "best" Christians were those who knew God the most, read the most scripture, lived out their faith the most, worshiped the most, gave the most, believed the most, preached the most, taught the most, prayed the most, and loved the most. These are the people I've wanted to follow.
While I think all these are good, and fruits of the spirit, there is something even greater than these for a Christian.
Who will need Jesus the most? Who will be dependent on Him for everything?
I don't necessarily want to follow the person doing all those individual things the best. I want to look up to the person who keeps relying on Jesus more and more everyday. I want to be friends with the person who sees how sinful, proud, and haughty they are, and who trusts in nothing but the Cross, and no one but God.
The more God sanctifies, the more I see how sinful I am. The more I see that, by His grace, the more I see how much I need Him. I receive nothing that is not from my Father's hand. Nothing. I want to be totally dependent on Jesus. I pray that he will break me before Him, and leave me with nothing but Him. Please let that happen. Do not let me rest in the things of the world. Let me rest in you Father. Please.
I'll never forget when my great Aunt Lucy died. Even though I don't know how it works theologically, other than the night I was saved (at least temporally), and the night God brought me to the Village, the most intense spiritual experience I've ever had was when an angel came to me in my sleep one night.
For the first six months of my marriage I didn't know if I wanted to be married at all. It was a terrible time of doubt, fear, and analyzing born out of the heart and mind of a selfish little boy. But one night, I had the most intense dream I've ever had, and I imagine I ever will have.
I experienced both the sight and the feeling of an unbearable, piercing, pure white light that I cannot adequately describe. It burned my eyes, and made my heart tighten in fear. I remember seeing my great Aunt Lucy. She told me that I was supposed to be married, and that I needed to stay married no matter what. She also told me I would need her help again, but that this was the only time she could come. The last thing I remember is that I was having a heart attack. My heart stopped completely as an overflow of energy surged into my chest. I sat up in bed, and gasped for air. I could breathe again.
I looked next to my wife in bed, and everything had changed. From that moment on, I knew that I was supposed to be married, and that this was God's will. I had a peace about our marriage that never left me. No, it shouldn't take an angel of God for a man to know that, but remember, I was a selfish little boy.
I don't know how to work out the great Aunt Lucy part. Maybe that was just a face I saw to comfort me. I really don't know, but that's what I remember.
What made me think of this story, is a story that a friend of Lucy's told at her funeral. I was around nine years old when she died. Her friend said that Lucy always kept a copy of the poem, "Footprints," with her. He talked about how when a person looked back on the shore of Lucy's life, there were sometimes two sets of footprints, and sometimes one set. Sometimes, he said, Lucy just couldn't go anymore, and she needed Jesus to carry her. He was thankful that she knew she needed help sometimes.
But that's just it. It's not just sometimes that we need help. It's all the time, every time. We just don't always see it that way.
I don't want to have someone stand at my funeral and talk about how I trusted in Jesus when I couldn't go anymore, and walked with Him when I could. I want someone to say this:
"He was so weak, so prideful, so sinful, so selfish, so lustful, and so needy, that there was only one set of footprints in the sand. He needed Jesus to carry him the whole way home. He was absolutely nothing by himself. He should be punished eternally. But, by grace through faith, he is saved. He is a child of God, and loved as a son. He will be with his Father. God is merciful."
I want to follow those who, by God's grace, know they are nothing without being carried by the Cross every second, every minute, every hour, every day. I want to look up to those people who rely completely on the Gospel, and nothing else.
Who will be dependent on the Cross? Who will trust Jesus for everything? Who will need Jesus the most?
While I think all these are good, and fruits of the spirit, there is something even greater than these for a Christian.
Who will need Jesus the most? Who will be dependent on Him for everything?
I don't necessarily want to follow the person doing all those individual things the best. I want to look up to the person who keeps relying on Jesus more and more everyday. I want to be friends with the person who sees how sinful, proud, and haughty they are, and who trusts in nothing but the Cross, and no one but God.
The more God sanctifies, the more I see how sinful I am. The more I see that, by His grace, the more I see how much I need Him. I receive nothing that is not from my Father's hand. Nothing. I want to be totally dependent on Jesus. I pray that he will break me before Him, and leave me with nothing but Him. Please let that happen. Do not let me rest in the things of the world. Let me rest in you Father. Please.
I'll never forget when my great Aunt Lucy died. Even though I don't know how it works theologically, other than the night I was saved (at least temporally), and the night God brought me to the Village, the most intense spiritual experience I've ever had was when an angel came to me in my sleep one night.
For the first six months of my marriage I didn't know if I wanted to be married at all. It was a terrible time of doubt, fear, and analyzing born out of the heart and mind of a selfish little boy. But one night, I had the most intense dream I've ever had, and I imagine I ever will have.
I experienced both the sight and the feeling of an unbearable, piercing, pure white light that I cannot adequately describe. It burned my eyes, and made my heart tighten in fear. I remember seeing my great Aunt Lucy. She told me that I was supposed to be married, and that I needed to stay married no matter what. She also told me I would need her help again, but that this was the only time she could come. The last thing I remember is that I was having a heart attack. My heart stopped completely as an overflow of energy surged into my chest. I sat up in bed, and gasped for air. I could breathe again.
I looked next to my wife in bed, and everything had changed. From that moment on, I knew that I was supposed to be married, and that this was God's will. I had a peace about our marriage that never left me. No, it shouldn't take an angel of God for a man to know that, but remember, I was a selfish little boy.
I don't know how to work out the great Aunt Lucy part. Maybe that was just a face I saw to comfort me. I really don't know, but that's what I remember.
What made me think of this story, is a story that a friend of Lucy's told at her funeral. I was around nine years old when she died. Her friend said that Lucy always kept a copy of the poem, "Footprints," with her. He talked about how when a person looked back on the shore of Lucy's life, there were sometimes two sets of footprints, and sometimes one set. Sometimes, he said, Lucy just couldn't go anymore, and she needed Jesus to carry her. He was thankful that she knew she needed help sometimes.
But that's just it. It's not just sometimes that we need help. It's all the time, every time. We just don't always see it that way.
I don't want to have someone stand at my funeral and talk about how I trusted in Jesus when I couldn't go anymore, and walked with Him when I could. I want someone to say this:
"He was so weak, so prideful, so sinful, so selfish, so lustful, and so needy, that there was only one set of footprints in the sand. He needed Jesus to carry him the whole way home. He was absolutely nothing by himself. He should be punished eternally. But, by grace through faith, he is saved. He is a child of God, and loved as a son. He will be with his Father. God is merciful."
I want to follow those who, by God's grace, know they are nothing without being carried by the Cross every second, every minute, every hour, every day. I want to look up to those people who rely completely on the Gospel, and nothing else.
Who will be dependent on the Cross? Who will trust Jesus for everything? Who will need Jesus the most?
Freedom
It is scary to live by my strength. Things don't go well. It is freedom to know the Gospel, and by God's merciful, amazing, beautiful will, to rest in Jesus by faith. I am not perfecting anything--God is. Oh, praise His name! Let us rest in His beautiful name, and not our feeble ones. Please Father.
The Gospel
3 You foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified? 2 This is the only thing I want to find out from you: did you receive the Spirit by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain--if indeed it was in vain? 5 So then, does He who provides you with the Spirit and works miracles among you, do it by the works of the Law, or by hearing with faith? 6 Even so Abraham BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS. 7 Therefore, be sure that it is those who are of faith who are sons of Abraham. 8 The Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, "ALL THE NATIONS WILL BE BLESSED IN YOU ." 9 So then those who are of faith are blessed with Abraham, the believer. 10 For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT ABIDE BY ALL THINGS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF THE LAW, TO PERFORM THEM."
11 Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, "THE RIGHTEOUS MAN SHALL LIVE BY FAITH." 12 However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "HE WHO PRACTICES THEM SHALL LIVE BY THEM." 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us--for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE"-- 14 in order that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we would receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.
11 Now that no one is justified by the Law before God is evident; for, "THE RIGHTEOUS MAN SHALL LIVE BY FAITH." 12 However, the Law is not of faith; on the contrary, "HE WHO PRACTICES THEM SHALL LIVE BY THEM." 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us--for it is written, "CURSED IS EVERYONE WHO HANGS ON A TREE"-- 14 in order that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we would receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Marriage
I've said this to many of my friends, and some people I've talked to at the store, but I wanted to put it on here, because I know it is so true, and I know it is beautiful. It is something Chandler said in a sermon once that has come to my mind at least once a day since. I believe it was a blessing from God.
He said: (paraphrasing)
"Ultimately, marriage, in the fullest sense that only believers can know, is about two people living so intimately together, and brushing against each other so much, that wounds, scars, and sins that are buried deep down in the dark, and would otherwise never see the light of day, come to the surface, and once there, by the mercies of Jesus, are healed, or put in motion for healing, and these two people come to know Christ more fully than they ever could have known him alone."
Wow. I just sat there, and thought, "You are married." I mean, I wanted to stand up and applaud right there. That is an insight from God. It truly is. What a merciful insight. That is not what we see in the movies, or in most books. It's one of the things I love about the book, A Severe Mercy. While romance is good, it can never be everything. It can never be the end goal. It will, by itself, shrivel up and die. Marriage, in the end, has to be about Christ, not about us.
And what a blessing it is. What a means of grace in a married couple's life. It is such a gift. I pray that we can see marriage in this light.
He said: (paraphrasing)
"Ultimately, marriage, in the fullest sense that only believers can know, is about two people living so intimately together, and brushing against each other so much, that wounds, scars, and sins that are buried deep down in the dark, and would otherwise never see the light of day, come to the surface, and once there, by the mercies of Jesus, are healed, or put in motion for healing, and these two people come to know Christ more fully than they ever could have known him alone."
Wow. I just sat there, and thought, "You are married." I mean, I wanted to stand up and applaud right there. That is an insight from God. It truly is. What a merciful insight. That is not what we see in the movies, or in most books. It's one of the things I love about the book, A Severe Mercy. While romance is good, it can never be everything. It can never be the end goal. It will, by itself, shrivel up and die. Marriage, in the end, has to be about Christ, not about us.
And what a blessing it is. What a means of grace in a married couple's life. It is such a gift. I pray that we can see marriage in this light.
Monday, July 2, 2007
A Bond-Servant
I want to be a bond-servant of Christ. I do not want my life to in any way be dear to myself. But I know this can't happen by any will power or even desire alone. Especially as selfish as I am. It will only happen by the spirit. So I ask you to pray for me. I want to be ravaged by Jesus. I want to be consumed by Him. I do not want my life to be dear in any way to me. I want to live loving Jesus, and then loving others. I want that to be the rest of my life. I want to love others more than I love myself.
I want to proclaim the Gospel no matter how offensive it is, and it is offensive. Jesus is not playing around. He has severity on who He wants to have severity, and mercy on who He wants to have mercy. He calls, or He hardens hearts. He is sovereign. He saves some, and He cuts others to pieces. That is hard. It is offensive. It is a solemn truth. And yet it is a humbling, praise giving truth that demands worship. He is Lord and Master of All. I do not want to shrink back from anything that is profitable. I never want to back down from the fullness of the Gospel. I want to tell others how wonderful and amazing he is. I want everyone to know Him, and his mercy. I want everyone to enter into His joy, and His sweet love.
I want to be able to leave this world able to say these words:
"You yourselves know from the first day I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house, solemnly testifying to both Jews and Greeks of repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, bound by the Spirit, I am on my way to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit solemnly testifies to me in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions await me. But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God."
Acts 20:18-24 NASB
"Therefore, I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God."
Acts 20:27 NASB
I want to be a bond-servant of Christ Jesus. Please, Father.
I want to proclaim the Gospel no matter how offensive it is, and it is offensive. Jesus is not playing around. He has severity on who He wants to have severity, and mercy on who He wants to have mercy. He calls, or He hardens hearts. He is sovereign. He saves some, and He cuts others to pieces. That is hard. It is offensive. It is a solemn truth. And yet it is a humbling, praise giving truth that demands worship. He is Lord and Master of All. I do not want to shrink back from anything that is profitable. I never want to back down from the fullness of the Gospel. I want to tell others how wonderful and amazing he is. I want everyone to know Him, and his mercy. I want everyone to enter into His joy, and His sweet love.
I want to be able to leave this world able to say these words:
"You yourselves know from the first day I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house, solemnly testifying to both Jews and Greeks of repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, bound by the Spirit, I am on my way to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit solemnly testifies to me in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions await me. But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God."
Acts 20:18-24 NASB
"Therefore, I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God."
Acts 20:27 NASB
I want to be a bond-servant of Christ Jesus. Please, Father.
Fighting Back By The Spirit
What kind of things can help us know we are growing? Ultimately, God and each person in their own heart, mind, and soul can know about salvation. He separates, not us. But I thought Jonathan Edwards's thoughts on evidences of faith that can be signs of truly gracious affections was encouraging.
He talks about how Paul didn't just look to his words, and the things coming from his mouth, but also to his actions. Of course, no actions can ever achieve salvation. They cannot even enter God's sight. We have nothing to give him. We plead the blood of Christ alone. But faith without works is dead. By the Spirit, Paul chased Christ.
"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. "
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NASB
And he talks about Peter. Peter, by the Spirit, examined his actions to see where his heart truly went for hope and happiness. And how incredible this scripture is! Do we have the courage to ask ourselves these questions? I pray that we will examine our actions too.
"For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you."
2 Peter 1:4-11 NASB
Are we increasing? Are we training for righteousness? Are we sprinting? Are we thirsting and growing? I pray that we will. I pray this. Father help us.
He talks about how Paul didn't just look to his words, and the things coming from his mouth, but also to his actions. Of course, no actions can ever achieve salvation. They cannot even enter God's sight. We have nothing to give him. We plead the blood of Christ alone. But faith without works is dead. By the Spirit, Paul chased Christ.
"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. "
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NASB
And he talks about Peter. Peter, by the Spirit, examined his actions to see where his heart truly went for hope and happiness. And how incredible this scripture is! Do we have the courage to ask ourselves these questions? I pray that we will examine our actions too.
"For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you."
2 Peter 1:4-11 NASB
Are we increasing? Are we training for righteousness? Are we sprinting? Are we thirsting and growing? I pray that we will. I pray this. Father help us.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Praising and Obedience
Luke 11:27-28 NASB
"While Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, 'Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which you nursed.' But He said, 'On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it."
Luke 12:35-48 NASB
"Be dressed in readiness, and keep your lamps lit. Be like men who are waiting for their master when he returns from the wedding feast, so that they may immediately open the door to him when he comes and knocks. Blessed are those slaves whom the master will find on the alert when he comes; truly I say to you, that he will gird himself to serve, and have them recline at the table, and will come up and wait on them. Whether he comes in the second watch, or even in the third, and finds them so, blessed are those slaves.
But be sure of this, that if the head of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have allowed his house to be broken into. You too, be ready; for the Son of Man is coming at an hour that you do not expect.
Peter said, 'Lord, are You addressing this parable to us, or to everyone else as well?' And the Lord said, "Who then is the faithful and sensible steward, whom his master will put in charge of his servants, to give them their rations at the proper time? Blessed is that slave whom his master finds so doing when he comes. Truly I say to you that he will put him in charge of all his possessions. But if that slave says in his heart, 'My master will be a long time in coming,' and begins to beat the slaves, both men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk; the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not know, and will cut him in pieces, and assign him a place with the unbelievers. And that slave who knew his master's will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes, but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."
"While Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, 'Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which you nursed.' But He said, 'On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it."
Luke 12:35-48 NASB
"Be dressed in readiness, and keep your lamps lit. Be like men who are waiting for their master when he returns from the wedding feast, so that they may immediately open the door to him when he comes and knocks. Blessed are those slaves whom the master will find on the alert when he comes; truly I say to you, that he will gird himself to serve, and have them recline at the table, and will come up and wait on them. Whether he comes in the second watch, or even in the third, and finds them so, blessed are those slaves.
But be sure of this, that if the head of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have allowed his house to be broken into. You too, be ready; for the Son of Man is coming at an hour that you do not expect.
Peter said, 'Lord, are You addressing this parable to us, or to everyone else as well?' And the Lord said, "Who then is the faithful and sensible steward, whom his master will put in charge of his servants, to give them their rations at the proper time? Blessed is that slave whom his master finds so doing when he comes. Truly I say to you that he will put him in charge of all his possessions. But if that slave says in his heart, 'My master will be a long time in coming,' and begins to beat the slaves, both men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk; the master of that slave will come on a day when he does not know, and will cut him in pieces, and assign him a place with the unbelievers. And that slave who knew his master's will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes, but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."
Religious Affections
Sit under this for a bit. It is from Religious Affections by Jonathan Edwards.
"When there are many probable appearances of piety in others, it is the duty of the saints to receive them cordially into their charity, and to love them and rejoice in them, as their brethren in Christ Jesus. But yet the best of men may be deceived when the appearances seem to them exceeding fair and bright, even so as entirely to gain their charity and conquer their hearts. It has been a common thing in the church of God for such bright professors, that are received as eminent saints among the saints, to fall away and come to nothing. And this we need not wonder at, if we consider the things that have been already observed (earlier in the book) what things it has been shown may appear in men who are altogether graceless. Nothing hinders but all these things may meet together in men, and yet they be without a spark of grace in their hearts. They may have religious affections of many kinds together; they may have a sort of affection towards God, that bears a great resemblance of dear love to Him; and so a kind of love to the brethren, and great appearances of admiration of God's perfections and works, and sorrow for sin, and reverence, submission, self-abasement, gratitude, joy, religious longings, and zeal for religion and the good of souls. And these affections may come after great awakenings and convictions of conscience; and there may be great appearances of a work of humiliation. Counterfeit love and joy, and other affections, may seem to follow one another, just in the same order that is commonly observable in the holy affections of true converts. And these religious affections may be carried to a great height, and may cause abundance of tears, yea, may overcome the nature of those who are the subjects of them, and may make them affectionate, and fervent, and fluent in speaking of the things of God, and dispose them to be abundant in it; and may be attended with many sweet texts of Scripture and precious promises, brought with great impression on their minds; and may dispose them with their mouths to praise and glorify God in a very ardent manner, and fervently to call upon others to praise Him, exclaiming against their unworthiness, and extolling free grace. They may, moreover, dispose them to abound in the external duties of religion, such as prayer, hearing the word preached, singing, and religious conference; and these things may be attended with a great resemblance of a Christian assurance in its greatest height, when the saints mount on eagles' wings above all darkness and doubting. I think it has been made plain that there may be all these things, and yet there be nothing more than the common influences of the Spirit of God, joined with the delusions of Satan and a wicked and deceitful heart. To which I may add, that all these things may be attended with a sweet natural temper, and a good doctrinal knowledge of religion, and a long acquaintance with the saints' way of talking, and of expressing their affections and experiences, and a natural ability and subtlety in accommodating their expressions and manner of speaking to the dispositions and notions of the hearers, with a taking decency of expression and behaviour formed by a good education. How great therefore may the resemblance be, as to all outward expressions and appearances, between a hypocrite and a true saint! Doubtless it is the glorious prerogative of the omniscient God, as the great Searcher of hearts, to be able well to separate between sheep and goats. And what an indecent self-exaltation and arrogance it is, in poor fallible dark mortals, to pretend that they can determine and know who are really sincere and upright before God and who are not!"
"When there are many probable appearances of piety in others, it is the duty of the saints to receive them cordially into their charity, and to love them and rejoice in them, as their brethren in Christ Jesus. But yet the best of men may be deceived when the appearances seem to them exceeding fair and bright, even so as entirely to gain their charity and conquer their hearts. It has been a common thing in the church of God for such bright professors, that are received as eminent saints among the saints, to fall away and come to nothing. And this we need not wonder at, if we consider the things that have been already observed (earlier in the book) what things it has been shown may appear in men who are altogether graceless. Nothing hinders but all these things may meet together in men, and yet they be without a spark of grace in their hearts. They may have religious affections of many kinds together; they may have a sort of affection towards God, that bears a great resemblance of dear love to Him; and so a kind of love to the brethren, and great appearances of admiration of God's perfections and works, and sorrow for sin, and reverence, submission, self-abasement, gratitude, joy, religious longings, and zeal for religion and the good of souls. And these affections may come after great awakenings and convictions of conscience; and there may be great appearances of a work of humiliation. Counterfeit love and joy, and other affections, may seem to follow one another, just in the same order that is commonly observable in the holy affections of true converts. And these religious affections may be carried to a great height, and may cause abundance of tears, yea, may overcome the nature of those who are the subjects of them, and may make them affectionate, and fervent, and fluent in speaking of the things of God, and dispose them to be abundant in it; and may be attended with many sweet texts of Scripture and precious promises, brought with great impression on their minds; and may dispose them with their mouths to praise and glorify God in a very ardent manner, and fervently to call upon others to praise Him, exclaiming against their unworthiness, and extolling free grace. They may, moreover, dispose them to abound in the external duties of religion, such as prayer, hearing the word preached, singing, and religious conference; and these things may be attended with a great resemblance of a Christian assurance in its greatest height, when the saints mount on eagles' wings above all darkness and doubting. I think it has been made plain that there may be all these things, and yet there be nothing more than the common influences of the Spirit of God, joined with the delusions of Satan and a wicked and deceitful heart. To which I may add, that all these things may be attended with a sweet natural temper, and a good doctrinal knowledge of religion, and a long acquaintance with the saints' way of talking, and of expressing their affections and experiences, and a natural ability and subtlety in accommodating their expressions and manner of speaking to the dispositions and notions of the hearers, with a taking decency of expression and behaviour formed by a good education. How great therefore may the resemblance be, as to all outward expressions and appearances, between a hypocrite and a true saint! Doubtless it is the glorious prerogative of the omniscient God, as the great Searcher of hearts, to be able well to separate between sheep and goats. And what an indecent self-exaltation and arrogance it is, in poor fallible dark mortals, to pretend that they can determine and know who are really sincere and upright before God and who are not!"
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Oh Sweet!
They are doing Stranger Than Fiction Friday. Two of my favorite movies of last year. These people are on to something at Mars Hill. Pretty shrewd those folk. Indeed. I absolutely love movies. I do.
Film and Theology-The Prestige
This is an awesome audio clip from Mars Hill. This pastor from Mars Hill was touched by the Prestige in the same way I was. Film is subjective, but he really gets it! And if you do, there is much to think about in the Prestige.
I have this idea that everyone watches movies in this way, and yet I don't think most people do. What a fun, engaging talk.
The Prestige was never about the ending. It's about the ideas underneath. But no matter what you thought about the movie, his words on film and theology at the beginning are cool.
Sorry, as I write this, I'm listening, and I just jumped in the air, and clapped my hands in glee. I see why I love this movie so much. Even more than I initially thought. It encapsulates so much of my sin.
Wow. Oh goodness. I didn't even pick up this: "Even manipulating your own diary to fool yourself." Nice. What a great movie, and a beautiful message.
Check it out here.
I have this idea that everyone watches movies in this way, and yet I don't think most people do. What a fun, engaging talk.
The Prestige was never about the ending. It's about the ideas underneath. But no matter what you thought about the movie, his words on film and theology at the beginning are cool.
Sorry, as I write this, I'm listening, and I just jumped in the air, and clapped my hands in glee. I see why I love this movie so much. Even more than I initially thought. It encapsulates so much of my sin.
Wow. Oh goodness. I didn't even pick up this: "Even manipulating your own diary to fool yourself." Nice. What a great movie, and a beautiful message.
Check it out here.
Day By Day
As a heads up, if you want a blessing, head over to P to the Likens blog. It's quite a project he has going over there. It's full of blessed transparency, thoughtful insight, and organized messages for knowing more of God. It's a blessing to see all the Lord is doing in Philip's life.
The Lost, The Poor, The Homeless
In reading Ephesians, God sent me to Isaiah, and into a passage I could not shake:
Isaiah 58:6-12
"Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from
your own flesh?
Then your light will break out
like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily
spring forth;
And your righteousness will go
before you;
The glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say,
'Here I am'
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and
speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the
hungry
And satisfy the desire of the
afflicted,
Then your light will rise in
darkness
And your gloom will become like
midday.
And the Lord will continually
guide you,
And satisfy your desire in
scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered
garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
Those from among you will rebuild
the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old
foundations;
And you will be called the
repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in
which to dwell."
So many, many things in that.
When I fast, why do I do it? For what? Is it to loosen the bonds of wickedness? Is it to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke, or just most of them? Even if I leave one yoke, I am in bondage I should not be in. And what about this: Is it to divide my bread with the hungry? Is is to bring the homeless poor into my house, to clothe the naked, and not to hide from my own flesh?
Ha! I don't think so. Here it is, laid out: I just don't have an overwhelming heart for the lost. I don't. And that leaves me with this: Where is the fruit? Why don't I have a burden for the poor? I'm so content with my happy life, I leave no room for others. If I do, it is for my closest friends, not those who I don't know. This is just the complete truth of my life right now. I cannot sugarcoat it.
So, I am begging God to give me a heart for the lost. As I wrestle, I come face to face with this absence of love in my life.
But what if I fast for these things? What if I beg God for these things? Isaiah says things that I cannot comprehend with my mind. Earth shattering, glorious, beautiful, redemptive blessings.
"Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily
spring forth;
And your righeousness will go before you;
THE GLORY OF THE LORD WILL BE YOUR REAR GUARD. (my emphasis)
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say,
'Here I am."
Hahaha...that just makes me giddy. The Glory of the Lord will by my rear guard? Talk about an action hero. Ya'll just wait until I get that backup. Wow. I will cry, and He will hear me. Mercy. Amazing.
What about this: What if I stop pointing my finger at outside circumstances and people? What if I remove the yoke of the passive heart from my midst? What if what flows out of my heart is not wickedness, but, "good treasure." (Matt. 12:34-35/Matt. 15:15-20)
What if God rips my reliance on people and things away from me with the sweetest mercy in the world, and bends my knees so that I can rest my head in his lap?
What if through this fasting, the Lord has me give myself to the hungry, and satisfy the desire of the afflicted?
"Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
And the Lord will continually
guide you,
And satisfy your desire in
scorched places, (Wow!)
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered
garden,
And like a spring of water whose
waters do not fail."
Please. Please do this work Father. Oh, what language God uses through His prophet Isaiah! He will satisfy my desire in scorched places? Thank you merciful Father, thank you. All those burnt desires in my soul--the desires in film, in love, in people--they will be satisfied by God for His purposes, and for His glory! Haha...wow.
What a change this would be. I am begging God for it to happen. Please, Father.
Isaiah 58:6-12
"Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from
your own flesh?
Then your light will break out
like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily
spring forth;
And your righteousness will go
before you;
The glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say,
'Here I am'
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and
speaking wickedness,
And if you give yourself to the
hungry
And satisfy the desire of the
afflicted,
Then your light will rise in
darkness
And your gloom will become like
midday.
And the Lord will continually
guide you,
And satisfy your desire in
scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered
garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.
Those from among you will rebuild
the ancient ruins;
You will raise up the age-old
foundations;
And you will be called the
repairer of the breach,
The restorer of the streets in
which to dwell."
So many, many things in that.
When I fast, why do I do it? For what? Is it to loosen the bonds of wickedness? Is it to let the oppressed go free, and break every yoke, or just most of them? Even if I leave one yoke, I am in bondage I should not be in. And what about this: Is it to divide my bread with the hungry? Is is to bring the homeless poor into my house, to clothe the naked, and not to hide from my own flesh?
Ha! I don't think so. Here it is, laid out: I just don't have an overwhelming heart for the lost. I don't. And that leaves me with this: Where is the fruit? Why don't I have a burden for the poor? I'm so content with my happy life, I leave no room for others. If I do, it is for my closest friends, not those who I don't know. This is just the complete truth of my life right now. I cannot sugarcoat it.
So, I am begging God to give me a heart for the lost. As I wrestle, I come face to face with this absence of love in my life.
But what if I fast for these things? What if I beg God for these things? Isaiah says things that I cannot comprehend with my mind. Earth shattering, glorious, beautiful, redemptive blessings.
"Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily
spring forth;
And your righeousness will go before you;
THE GLORY OF THE LORD WILL BE YOUR REAR GUARD. (my emphasis)
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say,
'Here I am."
Hahaha...that just makes me giddy. The Glory of the Lord will by my rear guard? Talk about an action hero. Ya'll just wait until I get that backup. Wow. I will cry, and He will hear me. Mercy. Amazing.
What about this: What if I stop pointing my finger at outside circumstances and people? What if I remove the yoke of the passive heart from my midst? What if what flows out of my heart is not wickedness, but, "good treasure." (Matt. 12:34-35/Matt. 15:15-20)
What if God rips my reliance on people and things away from me with the sweetest mercy in the world, and bends my knees so that I can rest my head in his lap?
What if through this fasting, the Lord has me give myself to the hungry, and satisfy the desire of the afflicted?
"Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
And the Lord will continually
guide you,
And satisfy your desire in
scorched places, (Wow!)
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered
garden,
And like a spring of water whose
waters do not fail."
Please. Please do this work Father. Oh, what language God uses through His prophet Isaiah! He will satisfy my desire in scorched places? Thank you merciful Father, thank you. All those burnt desires in my soul--the desires in film, in love, in people--they will be satisfied by God for His purposes, and for His glory! Haha...wow.
What a change this would be. I am begging God for it to happen. Please, Father.
Jesus
When I was reading through Matthew, God showed me Jesus in clear ways I have never seen before. I've read and heard about these things countless times growing up, but never in the way He revealed them to me in my daily dates with Him.
I have never, ever read the Bible like I have these past two weeks. Never. I've been a Christian for over 11 years. He has cut open the eyes of my heart on my dates with Him. I've never met with him like this. I drive home in anticipation over our talks. I have a standing date with God...haha. Amazing. The more I get to know him, the more I shed of pretense. He is just not the person who puts up with it. The more real I am before His throne, the more Grace He shows.
Anyway, in reading Matthew I wrote down five things about Jesus.
Jesus:
1. Is firm/Confrontational when needed
2. Requires abandonement of anything but Him/Complete, consuming devotion
3. Powerful
4. Lives by the Spirit and Prayer
5. Merciful
It seems like these five things populated Matthew. In different ways, and different stories, this is the figure that emerged out of the canvas to me.
I have never, ever read the Bible like I have these past two weeks. Never. I've been a Christian for over 11 years. He has cut open the eyes of my heart on my dates with Him. I've never met with him like this. I drive home in anticipation over our talks. I have a standing date with God...haha. Amazing. The more I get to know him, the more I shed of pretense. He is just not the person who puts up with it. The more real I am before His throne, the more Grace He shows.
Anyway, in reading Matthew I wrote down five things about Jesus.
Jesus:
1. Is firm/Confrontational when needed
2. Requires abandonement of anything but Him/Complete, consuming devotion
3. Powerful
4. Lives by the Spirit and Prayer
5. Merciful
It seems like these five things populated Matthew. In different ways, and different stories, this is the figure that emerged out of the canvas to me.
Jesus
I've made so many changes in my 28 years of life so others would approve of me, not because of God's glory. I struggle so much with the reality of the biblical Jesus. Sometimes I can only see Him as children's stories. Sometimes, I feel like He is a stumbling block to me. My whole Faith is built around this man I doubt so much. I feel the Holy Spirit so much everyday. I just don't know what to do with the man in the Gospels all the time. I can't wrap my head around Him, and everything that happened when He was on the Earth.
Don't be a stumbling block to me. Please. I don't want to doubt.
Don't be a stumbling block to me. Please. I don't want to doubt.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Just Thinking
I thought this would be fun to just watch. It mixes Sigur Ros's promo videos director with Snow Patrol, which is a nice combination.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Wow!
Amen! How thankful I am for God's Grace! Wow. That was hard times. God is faithful and a giver of overwhelming blessings. It is amazing to look back and see how He has answered prayers beyond anything I could imagine. My goodness.
"Out of the depths, I have cried to you,
And on the heights you have heard me too."
"Out of the depths, I have cried to you,
And on the heights you have heard me too."
Friday, April 27, 2007
Ecumenical
This word was in my dreams last night for the whole night. When I finally woke up, it was all I could think about. I wasn't even sure what it meant, until I looked it up in the dictionary just now.
ecumenical |ˌekyəˈmenikəl| adjective representing a number of different Christian churches See note at universal . • promoting or relating to unity among the world's Christian churches : ecumenical dialogue.
The word combination ecumenical grace. I could see the word imprinted on the air. I have no idea why I would wake up this dream. It very well may be meaningless, I don't know. Maybe Geoff mentioned it in a conversation, or one of the sermons I was listening to last night had it. I'm going to go back and see if that's the case at some point today.
Mainly, I just want to make a note of it. I dream a lot.
ecumenical |ˌekyəˈmenikəl| adjective representing a number of different Christian churches See note at universal . • promoting or relating to unity among the world's Christian churches : ecumenical dialogue.
The word combination ecumenical grace. I could see the word imprinted on the air. I have no idea why I would wake up this dream. It very well may be meaningless, I don't know. Maybe Geoff mentioned it in a conversation, or one of the sermons I was listening to last night had it. I'm going to go back and see if that's the case at some point today.
Mainly, I just want to make a note of it. I dream a lot.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
PSA
I feel like I have to do this. It's my duty to the Public, to you.
Please go here, and make this world a better place.
Public Service Announcement 1
PSA 2
PSA 3
Thank you.
Please go here, and make this world a better place.
Public Service Announcement 1
PSA 2
PSA 3
Thank you.
Monday, April 23, 2007
A Gift
I love movies. I love story, images, and music. I love how they blend together to make us all find a common ground. I love that there are certain strands of life that pulse through all of our veins, and I love how we connect to those strands through the interplay of light and chemicals, music and voice, cuts and scenes. It all happens in a dark room as a storyteller burrows down to a place where we feel and think. That is a gift from our Gracious God.
Unearthing The Deep Things
The other night, God gave me something remarkable--two hours of concentrated prayer. It was revelatory. Engrossing. Encompassing. He is so gracious.
He revealed something gorge deep to me that night. It goes all the way back to my childhood, something buried beneath miles of medication. I wanted my Mom to save me from all the darkness pervading our lives in the wake of my parent's divorce. Later, I wanted her to save me from junior high, and the changes into becoming a man I wasn't ready for. She never did because she never could. I've resented her for that.
When she couldn't fill the chasm, I turned to the girl I thought could be everything Mom wasn't. In our love, we would do everything right my parents did wrong. We would love each other with a pure love that would cover the cuts of the past. She would do what mom couldn't.
That didn't work either. She couldn't save me. She couldn't be my mom. Even if I wanted her to with every action or non-action I took. So many things become clear in the light of His gospel. Crystal clear. Of course we had a disastrous sex life. I'm amazed we ever had sex. And even though everyone doesn't have this exact reason for the problem, I have been shocked to learn how many married Christians have little to no sex life. I wonder how big of a secret this really is in the Bible Belt churches we live in.
Oh, God, give us the Grace to bring these things to the light. Give us the courage to be honest. Give us the heart to forgive, and not to judge. Help us.
So He reveals how my heart jumps for the next woman who might fill that gorge. He reveals that liking someone isn't bad in and of itself. He reveals my lust for satisfaction in created things, for hope in creation rather than creator. Oh, how my heart jumps! I need Grace to put my hope in Him, and not people. Cursed is the man who trusts in man, and makes flesh his strength. (Jeremiah 17:5) He reveals that I need more of Him. He cuts open the scabs on my relationship with Mom, and lets me bleed to heal. He so tenderly reveals that it's not fixed. It's not fixed. Not yet. It's going to be a struggle against my flesh. But it's in the light now. It's in the open where all may see, and where in Grace, Love, and Hope healing comes.
Most of all, He reveals the most beautiful news of all: I am totally depraved, wicked from the inside out, and totally reliant on His love and mercy. And He gives it! Oh, how he gives it! Not because of anything we do, but because He wants to. What grace this is that we live in brothers and sisters. What overwhelming grace.
He revealed something gorge deep to me that night. It goes all the way back to my childhood, something buried beneath miles of medication. I wanted my Mom to save me from all the darkness pervading our lives in the wake of my parent's divorce. Later, I wanted her to save me from junior high, and the changes into becoming a man I wasn't ready for. She never did because she never could. I've resented her for that.
When she couldn't fill the chasm, I turned to the girl I thought could be everything Mom wasn't. In our love, we would do everything right my parents did wrong. We would love each other with a pure love that would cover the cuts of the past. She would do what mom couldn't.
That didn't work either. She couldn't save me. She couldn't be my mom. Even if I wanted her to with every action or non-action I took. So many things become clear in the light of His gospel. Crystal clear. Of course we had a disastrous sex life. I'm amazed we ever had sex. And even though everyone doesn't have this exact reason for the problem, I have been shocked to learn how many married Christians have little to no sex life. I wonder how big of a secret this really is in the Bible Belt churches we live in.
Oh, God, give us the Grace to bring these things to the light. Give us the courage to be honest. Give us the heart to forgive, and not to judge. Help us.
So He reveals how my heart jumps for the next woman who might fill that gorge. He reveals that liking someone isn't bad in and of itself. He reveals my lust for satisfaction in created things, for hope in creation rather than creator. Oh, how my heart jumps! I need Grace to put my hope in Him, and not people. Cursed is the man who trusts in man, and makes flesh his strength. (Jeremiah 17:5) He reveals that I need more of Him. He cuts open the scabs on my relationship with Mom, and lets me bleed to heal. He so tenderly reveals that it's not fixed. It's not fixed. Not yet. It's going to be a struggle against my flesh. But it's in the light now. It's in the open where all may see, and where in Grace, Love, and Hope healing comes.
Most of all, He reveals the most beautiful news of all: I am totally depraved, wicked from the inside out, and totally reliant on His love and mercy. And He gives it! Oh, how he gives it! Not because of anything we do, but because He wants to. What grace this is that we live in brothers and sisters. What overwhelming grace.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
In Tune
I was reading over notes about the Holy Spirit just now. There is a particular note in the margin Geoff made that I keep reading again. Every time I read it after a break, I read this:
"You are most in tune w/God's particular will when you are most obedient to it."
Haha. Now that's not what it says. The section of notes is about the Illuminating Work of the Spirit. It is talking about the three aspects of the will of God:
Sovereign (Ephesians 1:11)
-Will by which God accomplishes all that He foreordained before the foundations of the Earth
Moral (Preceptive/Revealed)-Am I being faithful?
-Knowing what pleases him-living a life of holiness-Ephesians 5:17
Particular (Individual) -Where will I be most fruitful?
-The context and way we serve Him-a personal word from God
-Consider Biblical examples:
-Provision of Isaac's wife (Genesis 24)
-Peter's call to suffer (John 21)
-Paul's trip to Macedonia (Acts 16)
-The endowment of spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12)
It's on the margin of this section I always read Geoff's note. In the other margin he has:
"Moral>Particular Not the other way around."
My whole life I've had problems with this. I cogitate over the particulars of God's will for me all day, and spend minutes on knowing what pleases him. Oh, boy, I need Grace to know more of him. Oh, for Grace to know him more.
So, I don't think it's coincidence that I read Geoff's note wrong. Not at all.
This is what Geoff's note actually reads:
"You are most in tune with God's particular will when you are most obedient to His moral will."
Oh for Grace, oh for Grace to know him more.
"You are most in tune w/God's particular will when you are most obedient to it."
Haha. Now that's not what it says. The section of notes is about the Illuminating Work of the Spirit. It is talking about the three aspects of the will of God:
Sovereign (Ephesians 1:11)
-Will by which God accomplishes all that He foreordained before the foundations of the Earth
Moral (Preceptive/Revealed)-Am I being faithful?
-Knowing what pleases him-living a life of holiness-Ephesians 5:17
Particular (Individual) -Where will I be most fruitful?
-The context and way we serve Him-a personal word from God
-Consider Biblical examples:
-Provision of Isaac's wife (Genesis 24)
-Peter's call to suffer (John 21)
-Paul's trip to Macedonia (Acts 16)
-The endowment of spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12)
It's on the margin of this section I always read Geoff's note. In the other margin he has:
"Moral>Particular Not the other way around."
My whole life I've had problems with this. I cogitate over the particulars of God's will for me all day, and spend minutes on knowing what pleases him. Oh, boy, I need Grace to know more of him. Oh, for Grace to know him more.
So, I don't think it's coincidence that I read Geoff's note wrong. Not at all.
This is what Geoff's note actually reads:
"You are most in tune with God's particular will when you are most obedient to His moral will."
Oh for Grace, oh for Grace to know him more.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Some Pics
Here are a few pics from the Big Bend trip. I'm so thankful for my friends, and for how God has showered his grace and mercy on me through their lives. I will eventually have more pics up, but I wanted to put a few out on this site for now.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Pictures On The Wall
I hang these same pictures on the wall. But these are different walls. It is a different time, a different place. Life moves on. Father, take me into your arms. Please.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Today
My counselor said something wonderful today. He is so insightful.
I asked him how, if I were to ever be married again, I could know I wouldn't make the same mistakes. How can I know I've truly changed? Some days I feel like I've learned JuJitsu because I read a book, and I can move on the next thing. (Matrix reference for those of you who are lost) Then two days, two weeks, or two years later, the same problems may creep up. How can I know?
He told me something one of his mentors told him. He said:
"There are two days that are God's alone, yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the day you both have. Worry about today, for tomorrow has its own worries, and you cannot change yesterday."
Now, obviously, this has to be taken in the greater context of eternity, but with that in mind, there is so much truth here. I worry so much about figuring out the future, and lamenting the past, that sometimes I leave no room for today.
God is changing me. He is sanctifying me. Let me encounter each day's transformation on its own.
I asked him how, if I were to ever be married again, I could know I wouldn't make the same mistakes. How can I know I've truly changed? Some days I feel like I've learned JuJitsu because I read a book, and I can move on the next thing. (Matrix reference for those of you who are lost) Then two days, two weeks, or two years later, the same problems may creep up. How can I know?
He told me something one of his mentors told him. He said:
"There are two days that are God's alone, yesterday and tomorrow. Today is the day you both have. Worry about today, for tomorrow has its own worries, and you cannot change yesterday."
Now, obviously, this has to be taken in the greater context of eternity, but with that in mind, there is so much truth here. I worry so much about figuring out the future, and lamenting the past, that sometimes I leave no room for today.
God is changing me. He is sanctifying me. Let me encounter each day's transformation on its own.
Catching Lightning Bugs In A Jar
Writing about Jonathan made me think of some of our past correspondences. There are many I would love to share, but this one stood out:
SHADOW FOREST,
"Sometimes, when you live a life worth remembering, and when you pour your self out for others to see, a part of you comes back to find you, a piece of you that you left behind." (S.F./K.R.)
this is absolutely beautiful from CAPTURING LIGHTNING BUGS IN GLASS JARS, bro... i was just reading back over some of your writings and thought i'd return this one to you... for you to read with fresh eyes and an unexpecting Heart:
"It is odd how even our physical memories of the past reside in dark, cramped rooms in the attics, sheds, and corners of our homes. How we turn off the light and shut the door on the past when we are done looking at it.
But if Einstein's theories of relativity are true, as humans we have just tried to capture a living, breathing thing in a holding cell so that we can look in on it when we want to in the same way a child captures a lightning bug in a glass jar.
And odder still how time repeats itself--maybe that gives further credence to Mr. Einstein.
The ghosts of one generation's youth are the near past of a present generation and the coming future of a bubbling generation. And even more so in a small town. How deep the threads must run when even after mixing genes the child so resembles the adult, in more ways than one.
What is that pang in my deepest insides? Why do I know these people so well? Why am I looking THROUGH a mirror, not in a mirror?
This is the trail I am following. This line leads me past families watching me pass by, it leads me past shared memories, it leads me beyond common bonds, it brings me to the root of the matter, to the root of life itself.
And it ends where it began--KIRBYVILLE."
-from my friend and brother, SHADOW FOREST-- Kent Rabalais
SHADOW FOREST,
"Sometimes, when you live a life worth remembering, and when you pour your self out for others to see, a part of you comes back to find you, a piece of you that you left behind." (S.F./K.R.)
this is absolutely beautiful from CAPTURING LIGHTNING BUGS IN GLASS JARS, bro... i was just reading back over some of your writings and thought i'd return this one to you... for you to read with fresh eyes and an unexpecting Heart:
"It is odd how even our physical memories of the past reside in dark, cramped rooms in the attics, sheds, and corners of our homes. How we turn off the light and shut the door on the past when we are done looking at it.
But if Einstein's theories of relativity are true, as humans we have just tried to capture a living, breathing thing in a holding cell so that we can look in on it when we want to in the same way a child captures a lightning bug in a glass jar.
And odder still how time repeats itself--maybe that gives further credence to Mr. Einstein.
The ghosts of one generation's youth are the near past of a present generation and the coming future of a bubbling generation. And even more so in a small town. How deep the threads must run when even after mixing genes the child so resembles the adult, in more ways than one.
What is that pang in my deepest insides? Why do I know these people so well? Why am I looking THROUGH a mirror, not in a mirror?
This is the trail I am following. This line leads me past families watching me pass by, it leads me past shared memories, it leads me beyond common bonds, it brings me to the root of the matter, to the root of life itself.
And it ends where it began--KIRBYVILLE."
-from my friend and brother, SHADOW FOREST-- Kent Rabalais
The Shadow Forest
I have had many people ask me where the name Shadow Forest comes from. A good friend of mine named Jonathan gave me the name Shadow Forest. It is my "poet" name.
Each year, Jonathan takes a group of senior high school guys in Waco, Texas, and spends the year with them. Jonathan is the most passionate person I've ever met. When I'm around him, there is an energy that ripples through my soul for days after we part. He is a deep thinker, and an insightful word smith.
During the year with the seniors, Jonathan has them write poetry under a bridge, takes them on journeys into forests, and sits with them in meadows as God paints the sky with a thousand colors. This year is a time for them to open up about the deeper things in their lives, and to hopefully speak honestly about their struggles and fears, as well as their hopes and dreams. Throughout the year, each young man writes journal entries, poetry, fiction, and even creates other art like photography and painting.
At the end of the year many meaningful things happen that I will not share here, but one that I will share is that each person is given a name. This is their "poet" name. If you have ever seen DEAD POETS SOCIETY, it is something like this.
One year, I was fortunate enough to be at a meeting where the young men received their name. I thought Jonathan was finished, but he turned to me, and presented me with my name. It was very meaningful to me.
I first met Jonathan during the time she was in Italy, and after she left, our new friendship was an immense blessing. We talked often of great books, writing, and adventure. He was and is such an encouragement. For him to give me a name, and make me a part of the group meant a great deal.
The name he gave me that night was, The Shadow Forest. He gave me this name, and in a beautiful way, described why he was giving me this name. I lost my little piece of paper, but in general this is why he gave me the name:
He said the deepest parts and truest parts of me are hidden. That only in walking in the forest could one see the real me, and even then it was like shadows that one walks in and out of.
I thought this was the greatest thing at the time. It is so true of me. It cut to my heart.
But it hasn't been until recently that I have seen the tragedy in it. I hide in the forest. I love the forest because of the shadows it throws over me. I don't want people to know me, because then they will leave me.
This isn't what God desires for me, or any of his children. It is bondage. What am I hiding from? There is no shame after the resurrection. Jesus paid the price in his blood. What more do I need? If people leave me, that is them seeking needs from me instead of God. My need to have them near is me needing them over God. The desire for community is great. It is biblical. The feeling that my life will be over if I don't get it from certain people is wrong. God ultimately must be my provider, comforter, and nurturer, not man or things.
Oh, how I struggle with this everyday. My tendency is to hide. I like to be up at night, and asleep in the day. I like to be by myself. I need help to stop this. I need Him to change me.
Now the name Shadow Forest has many meanings for me. It is a stream divided. For now it reminds me not to hide. I don't want to live in the Shadows.
Each year, Jonathan takes a group of senior high school guys in Waco, Texas, and spends the year with them. Jonathan is the most passionate person I've ever met. When I'm around him, there is an energy that ripples through my soul for days after we part. He is a deep thinker, and an insightful word smith.
During the year with the seniors, Jonathan has them write poetry under a bridge, takes them on journeys into forests, and sits with them in meadows as God paints the sky with a thousand colors. This year is a time for them to open up about the deeper things in their lives, and to hopefully speak honestly about their struggles and fears, as well as their hopes and dreams. Throughout the year, each young man writes journal entries, poetry, fiction, and even creates other art like photography and painting.
At the end of the year many meaningful things happen that I will not share here, but one that I will share is that each person is given a name. This is their "poet" name. If you have ever seen DEAD POETS SOCIETY, it is something like this.
One year, I was fortunate enough to be at a meeting where the young men received their name. I thought Jonathan was finished, but he turned to me, and presented me with my name. It was very meaningful to me.
I first met Jonathan during the time she was in Italy, and after she left, our new friendship was an immense blessing. We talked often of great books, writing, and adventure. He was and is such an encouragement. For him to give me a name, and make me a part of the group meant a great deal.
The name he gave me that night was, The Shadow Forest. He gave me this name, and in a beautiful way, described why he was giving me this name. I lost my little piece of paper, but in general this is why he gave me the name:
He said the deepest parts and truest parts of me are hidden. That only in walking in the forest could one see the real me, and even then it was like shadows that one walks in and out of.
I thought this was the greatest thing at the time. It is so true of me. It cut to my heart.
But it hasn't been until recently that I have seen the tragedy in it. I hide in the forest. I love the forest because of the shadows it throws over me. I don't want people to know me, because then they will leave me.
This isn't what God desires for me, or any of his children. It is bondage. What am I hiding from? There is no shame after the resurrection. Jesus paid the price in his blood. What more do I need? If people leave me, that is them seeking needs from me instead of God. My need to have them near is me needing them over God. The desire for community is great. It is biblical. The feeling that my life will be over if I don't get it from certain people is wrong. God ultimately must be my provider, comforter, and nurturer, not man or things.
Oh, how I struggle with this everyday. My tendency is to hide. I like to be up at night, and asleep in the day. I like to be by myself. I need help to stop this. I need Him to change me.
Now the name Shadow Forest has many meanings for me. It is a stream divided. For now it reminds me not to hide. I don't want to live in the Shadows.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
A Letter
A Letter
This is a letter I wrote to the woman who was my wife. I place it here only in the hopes that in reading this, one marriage might be saved before it is too late, and for his glory. Know this is hard.
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October 15, 2006 10:10 P.M.
I hope you are well. Wow, it's hard to write you a letter. Harder than I thought it would be. I hope one of these emails is even right. Tonight, I had to write you a letter. I want to write you a letter. Why? Let me try to tell you in a brief way.
In March of last year, I was lying in my bed, crying out for help, crying to God. All I could say was, "Please, please help me to find a church home. I don't know what it looks like, or where it is, but I need help." I had been praying this for a few months. One day, I got a call from Miranda Stephenson. She was calling about our high school reunion. In the midst of our conversation she asked me if I had a church home. I said no. Then she told me about this place she was going to called the Village. We decided to meet up there to just catch up, and I desperately wanted to go since I hadn't been to church in months.
On a Sunday night in March, I went to the Village Church in Highland Village, Texas for the first time. That night, God answered my prayer. In a way only the spirit can understand, I knew he had brought me home. In the following months, he has continually brought me to my knees with his mercies that run ever anew. I have found a small group of men my age to walk with, and these men are following after Christ in such a way that I cannot help but be overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit. What wondrous, everlasting, merciful works he does! Why does he have such mercy on us? I do not know.
(note-6/11/07-He does this for His glory. Everything in life is about His glory)
In my time at the Village, God has given me the opportunity, and given me the courage to talk about my past. On one night in particular, I was able to share my story with a small group of men. On that night, for the first time, I told someone about all of my many failures as a man, a husband, and a friend. I told them of my crippling, hurtful addiction to pornography, my year and a half spent in a serious depression without working at all, and my addiction and obsession with film. It hurt so much to relive those times, and those sins. To relive how much I hurt you, a daughter of God, and so precious in his sight. But it was part of sharing the real me, not some fake, idealized version of me. So I laid myself bare before Jesus' cross, and my brothers in Christ. And at the cross I found mercy. Mercy that I do not, and cannot understand. Why? Why has God come down, picked me up, and blessed me with this wonderful place, these beautiful people, and this blessed time? Once again, I cannot say. I have no words to describe his love.
In the past few weeks, I have felt the urge to write you a letter. In the years that have passed, I've felt so many things. Hurt, anger, betrayal, sadness, sorrow, love, hope, fear, compassion, empathy--so many emotions. But ultimately in this past year, as what we know of time has passed, God has given me a peace, love, and joy that passes all understanding. In his time, he has shown me Grace and a Severe Mercy. So, my spirit has turned, and turned with the feeling that I should write you.
I wronged you. In so many, many ways I wronged you, and wounded you. And as a human in close contact there is no other way. This is why Jesus died on the cross: to forgive my wrongs against him, for I have no way way to justify myself to him in any other way. And this is his Mercy! That through all of my failures and hurtful actions, he forgives me, and on top of that, blesses me with a home, and friends that I do not deserve in any possible way! But even though I know he has forgiven me for my wrongs against him, there is something else left. That something is for me to ask you in all truth and sincerity, knowing the intense hurt that I caused you, to forgive me for my wrongs against you. That is why I am writing this letter.
So, I am asking you for forgiveness for the wrongs I committed against you. For my selfishness, for my failure as a husband in every way, spiritually, physically, and financially, and for my failure as a brother in Christ to lead you as I vowed. I am sorry that I hurt you. I am so sorry. I ask you for your forgiveness.
I want to give you a link to a message called, "Beyond The Sun: Reconciliation."
If the link doesn't work, and you want to hear the message, just go to the iTunes store and search, "Matt Chandler" in the top right-hand corner. You should see Village Church sermon audio, and from there you can choose, "Beyond The Sun" #12" from October 15. This message hit me in a deep way. And tonight's message was just another example of God showering me with his abundant grace. After tonight, I had to write, and I wanted to write.
That is all I have to say. I ask for his blessings on your life, and your family's life.
This is a letter I wrote to the woman who was my wife. I place it here only in the hopes that in reading this, one marriage might be saved before it is too late, and for his glory. Know this is hard.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
October 15, 2006 10:10 P.M.
I hope you are well. Wow, it's hard to write you a letter. Harder than I thought it would be. I hope one of these emails is even right. Tonight, I had to write you a letter. I want to write you a letter. Why? Let me try to tell you in a brief way.
In March of last year, I was lying in my bed, crying out for help, crying to God. All I could say was, "Please, please help me to find a church home. I don't know what it looks like, or where it is, but I need help." I had been praying this for a few months. One day, I got a call from Miranda Stephenson. She was calling about our high school reunion. In the midst of our conversation she asked me if I had a church home. I said no. Then she told me about this place she was going to called the Village. We decided to meet up there to just catch up, and I desperately wanted to go since I hadn't been to church in months.
On a Sunday night in March, I went to the Village Church in Highland Village, Texas for the first time. That night, God answered my prayer. In a way only the spirit can understand, I knew he had brought me home. In the following months, he has continually brought me to my knees with his mercies that run ever anew. I have found a small group of men my age to walk with, and these men are following after Christ in such a way that I cannot help but be overwhelmed by the power of the Holy Spirit. What wondrous, everlasting, merciful works he does! Why does he have such mercy on us? I do not know.
(note-6/11/07-He does this for His glory. Everything in life is about His glory)
In my time at the Village, God has given me the opportunity, and given me the courage to talk about my past. On one night in particular, I was able to share my story with a small group of men. On that night, for the first time, I told someone about all of my many failures as a man, a husband, and a friend. I told them of my crippling, hurtful addiction to pornography, my year and a half spent in a serious depression without working at all, and my addiction and obsession with film. It hurt so much to relive those times, and those sins. To relive how much I hurt you, a daughter of God, and so precious in his sight. But it was part of sharing the real me, not some fake, idealized version of me. So I laid myself bare before Jesus' cross, and my brothers in Christ. And at the cross I found mercy. Mercy that I do not, and cannot understand. Why? Why has God come down, picked me up, and blessed me with this wonderful place, these beautiful people, and this blessed time? Once again, I cannot say. I have no words to describe his love.
In the past few weeks, I have felt the urge to write you a letter. In the years that have passed, I've felt so many things. Hurt, anger, betrayal, sadness, sorrow, love, hope, fear, compassion, empathy--so many emotions. But ultimately in this past year, as what we know of time has passed, God has given me a peace, love, and joy that passes all understanding. In his time, he has shown me Grace and a Severe Mercy. So, my spirit has turned, and turned with the feeling that I should write you.
I wronged you. In so many, many ways I wronged you, and wounded you. And as a human in close contact there is no other way. This is why Jesus died on the cross: to forgive my wrongs against him, for I have no way way to justify myself to him in any other way. And this is his Mercy! That through all of my failures and hurtful actions, he forgives me, and on top of that, blesses me with a home, and friends that I do not deserve in any possible way! But even though I know he has forgiven me for my wrongs against him, there is something else left. That something is for me to ask you in all truth and sincerity, knowing the intense hurt that I caused you, to forgive me for my wrongs against you. That is why I am writing this letter.
So, I am asking you for forgiveness for the wrongs I committed against you. For my selfishness, for my failure as a husband in every way, spiritually, physically, and financially, and for my failure as a brother in Christ to lead you as I vowed. I am sorry that I hurt you. I am so sorry. I ask you for your forgiveness.
I want to give you a link to a message called, "Beyond The Sun: Reconciliation."
If the link doesn't work, and you want to hear the message, just go to the iTunes store and search, "Matt Chandler" in the top right-hand corner. You should see Village Church sermon audio, and from there you can choose, "Beyond The Sun" #12" from October 15. This message hit me in a deep way. And tonight's message was just another example of God showering me with his abundant grace. After tonight, I had to write, and I wanted to write.
That is all I have to say. I ask for his blessings on your life, and your family's life.
An Update
In light of the Letter post, I want to give a few updates.
One is that, my former wife is married. She has been married for a while. I only write this for you to know if you do read the letter. I knew she was engaged when I wrote the letter, and I never meant for it to be a reconciliation letter in the sense of us reuniting. It was a letter written out of the mercies of Jesus.
Two, I have been free from pornography and masturbation since October 14, 2006. A big part of that is from how God has worked in my life through my time at the Village, and Matt's sermon on October 15th 2006. But since then, he has worked in a deeper way.
Not too long after this time, I had the blessing to meet with Josh Patterson, another pastor at our church, and someone I can now thankfully call a friend. God spoke through him so strongly in many ways that day. He spoke to me of hope in a profound way, telling me about how God will redeem the dark times I regret for his purposes and glory. He also told me to seek counseling and guidance on the deeper heart issues behind my addictions. I am so thankful for his time with me that day, for his friendship, and for his service to our church.
Through God's grace, I have entered counseling, been prayed over by friends, and learned many truths. Some of these are: I have sought things from people that they were not meant to give. I fear people. I am scared for people to know the real me.
It's so much easier to hide behind a computer, than to be known. In my mind, I thought the computer couldn't reject me or hurt me. So, I burrowed into a basement of self-addiction so no one could hurt me. Right...
So God, through pastors, friends, books, his word, and prayer has been teaching of my sinful heart, and all of its betrayals and wounds. But also of its desires. For some of these are true, and planted there by him. Namely the overwhelming, magnetic need to worship. Oh, how I have worshiped creation, and not creator.
The more he changes my very being, the less I want anything else. God, may you be glorified, not me. May my heart seek you, and nothing else. You are majestic and above all things. You are everything.
One is that, my former wife is married. She has been married for a while. I only write this for you to know if you do read the letter. I knew she was engaged when I wrote the letter, and I never meant for it to be a reconciliation letter in the sense of us reuniting. It was a letter written out of the mercies of Jesus.
Two, I have been free from pornography and masturbation since October 14, 2006. A big part of that is from how God has worked in my life through my time at the Village, and Matt's sermon on October 15th 2006. But since then, he has worked in a deeper way.
Not too long after this time, I had the blessing to meet with Josh Patterson, another pastor at our church, and someone I can now thankfully call a friend. God spoke through him so strongly in many ways that day. He spoke to me of hope in a profound way, telling me about how God will redeem the dark times I regret for his purposes and glory. He also told me to seek counseling and guidance on the deeper heart issues behind my addictions. I am so thankful for his time with me that day, for his friendship, and for his service to our church.
Through God's grace, I have entered counseling, been prayed over by friends, and learned many truths. Some of these are: I have sought things from people that they were not meant to give. I fear people. I am scared for people to know the real me.
It's so much easier to hide behind a computer, than to be known. In my mind, I thought the computer couldn't reject me or hurt me. So, I burrowed into a basement of self-addiction so no one could hurt me. Right...
So God, through pastors, friends, books, his word, and prayer has been teaching of my sinful heart, and all of its betrayals and wounds. But also of its desires. For some of these are true, and planted there by him. Namely the overwhelming, magnetic need to worship. Oh, how I have worshiped creation, and not creator.
The more he changes my very being, the less I want anything else. God, may you be glorified, not me. May my heart seek you, and nothing else. You are majestic and above all things. You are everything.
When People Are Big And God Is Small
I've been harpooned lately in a beautiful way. It's because of God's grace through a man named Paul Matthies, and a book called, When People Are Big And God Is Small, by Ed Welch.
Paul recently left us for a while to serve the Lord in a different place, but before he went, I got to see a little of how he lives. On a farewell night we had for Paul at the church, my friend Geoff said something like this about Paul and to Paul:
"Several years ago we sat in a circle, and pleaded in prayer with God, for him to break of us self-addiction. It was a moving time of prayer and petition before the Lord. Paul, I can say that in watching you grow over these last few years, God has answered that prayer in you."
How true, and how wonderful to see God's faithfulness to his children. Since that night, this has been my prayer for me, my friends, and my church. I believe in a huge way, God is faithfully helping me with this through When People Are Big And God Is Small. I believe the absolute root of my self-addiction comes from not fearing and worshiping the Lord above all things and all people.
As Ed Welch points out, look at the prayers God chose to leave us with for eternity. See what these prayers ask God for. The first thing Jesus says as he teaches the disciples to pray is, "Father, Hallowed be your name." Hallowed means to be greatly revered and respected. To Hallow means to make Holy, to consecrate. Jesus, above all things, asks for God, His Father, to be Hallowed, to be greatly revered and respected. In the book of John, right before the Crucifixion, Jesus asks the Father to glorify him, so that the Father may be glorified. The Psalms record many prayers asking for God to be glorified in all the earth.
What I can't find so far, are prayers asking for God to give us someone to love us. Or for God to give us someone to love. Or for God to bless us with things. The only love I can find people asking for is God's steadfast love.
Too often I have found myself craving these things. I want them for myself. May that be taken from me, and anything else that would take away from God's glory. My self-addiction springs from a distorted view of the Father, and of myself.
Please father, smash the cup. Raise the mirror.
Paul recently left us for a while to serve the Lord in a different place, but before he went, I got to see a little of how he lives. On a farewell night we had for Paul at the church, my friend Geoff said something like this about Paul and to Paul:
"Several years ago we sat in a circle, and pleaded in prayer with God, for him to break of us self-addiction. It was a moving time of prayer and petition before the Lord. Paul, I can say that in watching you grow over these last few years, God has answered that prayer in you."
How true, and how wonderful to see God's faithfulness to his children. Since that night, this has been my prayer for me, my friends, and my church. I believe in a huge way, God is faithfully helping me with this through When People Are Big And God Is Small. I believe the absolute root of my self-addiction comes from not fearing and worshiping the Lord above all things and all people.
As Ed Welch points out, look at the prayers God chose to leave us with for eternity. See what these prayers ask God for. The first thing Jesus says as he teaches the disciples to pray is, "Father, Hallowed be your name." Hallowed means to be greatly revered and respected. To Hallow means to make Holy, to consecrate. Jesus, above all things, asks for God, His Father, to be Hallowed, to be greatly revered and respected. In the book of John, right before the Crucifixion, Jesus asks the Father to glorify him, so that the Father may be glorified. The Psalms record many prayers asking for God to be glorified in all the earth.
What I can't find so far, are prayers asking for God to give us someone to love us. Or for God to give us someone to love. Or for God to bless us with things. The only love I can find people asking for is God's steadfast love.
Too often I have found myself craving these things. I want them for myself. May that be taken from me, and anything else that would take away from God's glory. My self-addiction springs from a distorted view of the Father, and of myself.
Please father, smash the cup. Raise the mirror.
An Enemy Of Christ
Some part of me deep down feels as if God saw a speck of good in me, and took pity on me because of this grain of sand. How long will it take for me to wholly understand the gospel?
I have done nothing to merit his favor. Not only that, I have even pushed him away. His own word says before his saving work in my life, I was his enemy. Wow. That is such a massive part of the gospel that I can't fully grasp. But it's vital to know.
It breaks my heart even more before the cross. But more than that, it is crucial for me to see that God saved me, even though I was his enemy, because it is from this perspective I must view his current enemies. It should not be as one I can't understand, but as one I used to be.
I have done nothing to merit his favor. Not only that, I have even pushed him away. His own word says before his saving work in my life, I was his enemy. Wow. That is such a massive part of the gospel that I can't fully grasp. But it's vital to know.
It breaks my heart even more before the cross. But more than that, it is crucial for me to see that God saved me, even though I was his enemy, because it is from this perspective I must view his current enemies. It should not be as one I can't understand, but as one I used to be.
Compassion
There are many times I don't have compassion for people. My heart breaks, and I weep in bed as I watch the movie, HOTEL RWANDA. How are we living here in America? What are we doing with our resources? I hurt for the people in broken places.
But there is another group of people I find myself having no compassion for. People like I once was, and, if I'm not watchful and prayerful, could be again. I'm speaking of the one who has been saved by grace, but is lost in the fog of this world. The one who comes to church hoping to blend in, and never be seen. The person who cries out on the inside for help at night, but who hides from everyone in the day. Those who need help.
This is part of my story. I was that person. And God in his knee bending grace brought me home through the obedience of one of his children. So, why don't I have compassion for those that are wandering from the church? What is wrong with me?
I think I know a reason. It is a dark thing, and one that is easy to ignore. In the past few weeks, the Holy Spirit has shown me it is at the core of my being, at the heart of my wounds.
The reason is this: I don't think those people can fill me with anything.
I wish I didn't have to write that. I wish I wasn't that selfish. I don't want to be this way. Here's the rub: this is just the beginning. It's not just that I don't always feel the need to help those around me who are hurting. It's not just that I look to those I love to fill me with something they were never meant to give. No, it runs much deeper than that.
It's that I ultimately look to everyone, including God, to fill me so that I can be happy. And whoever or whatever I think can best do that at any given time I put on a pedestal. I bow down to that idol, and do whatever I can to appease it. I am Israel before the Golden Calf, even when God, in all his majesty has just parted the Red Sea, and destroyed the most powerful army in the world! Oh, what is wrong with me! Father, have mercy on this sinner. How long will I be stuck in this skin?
But, even in this darkness, His light breaks over the desert line. For this is what he has been teaching me: I AM. I AM. I AM.
I AM The Creator. I AM Majestic. I AM Holy. I AM Lord. I AM Father. I AM Son. I AM Wonder. I AM Delight. I AM Joy. I AM Peace. I AM Power. I AM Light. I AM Beauty. I AM Maker. I AM Ruler. I AM Provider. I AM Lover. I AM Grower. I AM Hallowed.
I AM. I AM. I AM.
One of my deepest, darkest sins is this: I put man above God. I make people into the everything of my life, instead of the One who IS Life. Even in those times I see him as Life, I see it as Life for me, as happiness for me. Stop it! Stop this madness.
So, where do I go? What hope is there for me? What hope is there for any of us?
There is God. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. He is not there to fill me. He is there to be worshiped. He is there to be hallowed. It is not about me being filled, it is about me in some small way, reflecting the brilliance of the King to the broken places of the earth, to the broken people of the earth. It is not about what those broken people can do for me. It is not even entirely about what God can do for them through the church as his hands and feet, although this is wondrous.
This whole thing is not about any of us--the lost, the broken, the saved, the poor, the rich--it is about Him. It is about Jesus. It is about I AM.
True compassion comes from worshiping him. True love flows out of His cup in such a way that we do not have cups anymore, only a mirror to reflect His glory in all the earth.
If you can, even once, please pray for me. Pray that I will stop looking to others to fill me. Pray that I will stop using the bible as a puzzle to be figured out. Pray that I will lose everything, fall on my knees, and worship the Maker of all. If this doesn't happen, there will never be any real compassion for others, only needs and wants. Pray that I will fear Him, and not people. Pray that I will worship him, and not people or things. Pray that this empty cup will be smashed into a million pieces for his glory.
I pray this for you.
But there is another group of people I find myself having no compassion for. People like I once was, and, if I'm not watchful and prayerful, could be again. I'm speaking of the one who has been saved by grace, but is lost in the fog of this world. The one who comes to church hoping to blend in, and never be seen. The person who cries out on the inside for help at night, but who hides from everyone in the day. Those who need help.
This is part of my story. I was that person. And God in his knee bending grace brought me home through the obedience of one of his children. So, why don't I have compassion for those that are wandering from the church? What is wrong with me?
I think I know a reason. It is a dark thing, and one that is easy to ignore. In the past few weeks, the Holy Spirit has shown me it is at the core of my being, at the heart of my wounds.
The reason is this: I don't think those people can fill me with anything.
I wish I didn't have to write that. I wish I wasn't that selfish. I don't want to be this way. Here's the rub: this is just the beginning. It's not just that I don't always feel the need to help those around me who are hurting. It's not just that I look to those I love to fill me with something they were never meant to give. No, it runs much deeper than that.
It's that I ultimately look to everyone, including God, to fill me so that I can be happy. And whoever or whatever I think can best do that at any given time I put on a pedestal. I bow down to that idol, and do whatever I can to appease it. I am Israel before the Golden Calf, even when God, in all his majesty has just parted the Red Sea, and destroyed the most powerful army in the world! Oh, what is wrong with me! Father, have mercy on this sinner. How long will I be stuck in this skin?
But, even in this darkness, His light breaks over the desert line. For this is what he has been teaching me: I AM. I AM. I AM.
I AM The Creator. I AM Majestic. I AM Holy. I AM Lord. I AM Father. I AM Son. I AM Wonder. I AM Delight. I AM Joy. I AM Peace. I AM Power. I AM Light. I AM Beauty. I AM Maker. I AM Ruler. I AM Provider. I AM Lover. I AM Grower. I AM Hallowed.
I AM. I AM. I AM.
One of my deepest, darkest sins is this: I put man above God. I make people into the everything of my life, instead of the One who IS Life. Even in those times I see him as Life, I see it as Life for me, as happiness for me. Stop it! Stop this madness.
So, where do I go? What hope is there for me? What hope is there for any of us?
There is God. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. He is not there to fill me. He is there to be worshiped. He is there to be hallowed. It is not about me being filled, it is about me in some small way, reflecting the brilliance of the King to the broken places of the earth, to the broken people of the earth. It is not about what those broken people can do for me. It is not even entirely about what God can do for them through the church as his hands and feet, although this is wondrous.
This whole thing is not about any of us--the lost, the broken, the saved, the poor, the rich--it is about Him. It is about Jesus. It is about I AM.
True compassion comes from worshiping him. True love flows out of His cup in such a way that we do not have cups anymore, only a mirror to reflect His glory in all the earth.
If you can, even once, please pray for me. Pray that I will stop looking to others to fill me. Pray that I will stop using the bible as a puzzle to be figured out. Pray that I will lose everything, fall on my knees, and worship the Maker of all. If this doesn't happen, there will never be any real compassion for others, only needs and wants. Pray that I will fear Him, and not people. Pray that I will worship him, and not people or things. Pray that this empty cup will be smashed into a million pieces for his glory.
I pray this for you.
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